Good-bye Jokes / Recent Jokes

Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president someday.)
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets a election.
Q: What are steroids? A: more...

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and
listened to her prayers which she ended by saying "God bless mommy, God
bless daddy, God bless grandma, and good-bye grandpa."
The father said "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"
The little girl said "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing
to
do."
The next day grandpa died. Father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her
prayers, which went like this: "God bless mommy, God bless daddy and
good-bye grandma."
Next day the grandmother died.
My gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other
side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her
say
"God bless mommy and good-bye daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up
at
the more...

If you can't say something nice, say it in Yiddish.

If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.

After the destruction of the Second temple, God created Loehmann's.

No one looks good in a yalmulke.

Wasps leave and never say good-bye. Jews say good-bye and never leave.

20% off is a bargain; 50% off is a mitzvah.

Israel is the land of milk and honey; Florida is the land of milk of magnesia.

The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.

And what's so wrong with dry turkey?

If your name was Lipschitz, you'd change it, too.

Always whisper the names of diseases.

One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.

If you don't eat, it will kill me.

Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.

Where there's smoke, there may be smoked salmon.

Never take a front-row seat at a more...

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers - which she ended by saying "God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma, and good-bye grandpa."

The father said, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?" The little girl said "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died. Father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this - "God bless mommy, God bless daddy and good-bye grandma. Next day the grandmother died.

My gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say "God bless mommy and good-bye daddy."

He practically went into shock. Couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. more...

A rich man invited four friends to a banquet to celebrate his birthday. It was already noon-time, but only Zhang, Wang and Li had come; his friend Zhao did not appear, even though they waited a long time. The rich man said anxiously, "Why isn't the one who should have come here?" His friend Zhang, an impetuous person, was very much upset at his words and said to the rich man, "If the one who should have come isn't present, then I am the one who should not have come. All right, good-bye." And with this, he went away in a huff. The rich man then said, even more anxiously, "The one who should not have left has left." These words aroused Wang's suspicion, so he said, "You said the one who should not have left has left. Does that imply that I am the one who should have left? All right, I have to say good-bye, too." The remaining friend, Li, advised the rich man goodheartedly, "You should learn what to say and what not to say; otherwise, you will more...