Grabs Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps on to the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, and somehow swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for everything." The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves. Two weeks later, he's in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey more...
Tommy's house is packed with relatives for Christmas dinner. Grandpa calls 6 year old Tommy and starts asking about school, girlfriends and other stuff he can think of. After a while, grandpa notices that Tommy is losing interest in the conversation so he pulls out two bills from his wallet to see if he can keep him interested. A ten and a twenty-dollar bill. He shows both bills to Tommy and tells him that he can keep any one he chooses. Tommy reaches over and grabs the ten-dollar bill.
Grandpa pretty surprised and upset about the unwise decision his grandchild made, pulls out another ten dollar bill to see if it was a mistake. Again, he tells Tommy to take one of the bills and keep it. Tommy grabs the other ten. Grandpa again is surprised and upset. He takes Tommy over to one of the uncles and shows him how dumb Tommy is in choosing the ten over the twenty. Grandpa goes on and on showing every uncle and cousin and each time Tommy chooses the ten over the more...
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking the monkey jumps all around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says, "No what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!" Says the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me," replied the patron. "He eats everything in sight. I will pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill and leaves.
Two weeks later he’s in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino more...
Moses, Jesus and some' ol geezer are going to play a round of golf. Moses tees off, the ball goes right into the pond. No problem! Moses walks over parts the water and hits the ball again, where it lands about 1 foot from the first hole.
Jesus then tees off and the ball goes flying off to the left, hits a tree, then miraculously bounces to about 6 inches from the hole.
The' ol geezer steps up, tees off, the ball heads right for the pond, a huge bass jumps up grabs the ball in its mouth, suddenly an eagle swoops down, grabs the bass and flies over the green, the bass drops the ball and it rolls to just about 2 inches from the hole! All of a sudden a worm pops up and knocks the ball in. A hole in one.
Moses looks at Jesus and says, "You know, I really hate it when your DAD plays."
Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green. Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green. The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But, just before it falls into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As the fish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies over the green where a lightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, the eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in -one. Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't stop more...
Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up tothe tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and landsin the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto thegreen. Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over thefairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green. Theold man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing overthe fairway and heads for the water trap. But, just before it fallsinto the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As thefish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies over the green where alightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, theeagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops outof its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in -one. Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you dont stopfooling around, we more...
Three guys, one Chinese, one French, and one Mexican wanted to watch the Olympics but didn't have any money to buy tickets. The Chinese guy suddenly got an idea and went home to fetch his bicycle. He rode up to the security guard at the gate and yells, "China, bicycling! Hurry, let me in, I'm late!"
The guard, not wanting to jeopardize his job, lets the Chinese guy through. Seeing that this idea worked, the French guy runs home and grabs a long pole and runs back to the security guard and yells, "France, pole vaulting! Let me in, I'm late!"
The security guard lets the French guy through. Seeing how great their ideas were, the Mexican runs home and grabs a chain link fence, wraps the fence around his body and hops up to the security guard and yells, "Mexico, fencing!"