Grade Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnny drew a realistic looking fly on the class grade book. When the teacher saw the fly sitting on the book, she smacked it with a ruler but the fly didn't fly away. She smacked the book once again, and again the fly didn't fly away.
This caused the teacher to become very angry, so she started to pound the book with the ruler. As a result, the grade book became a bunch of torn sheets of paper.
When students in the class began to laugh, the teacher realized what had happened. She immediately called Little Johnny's father and asked him to come to the school.
"Do you see what your son did to our class grade book?" she asked his father.
"That's nothing," his father replied. "Last month he drew a naked woman on our fence. I was pulling splinters out of my dick for two weeks straight!"

An eighth grade teacher was leading a discussion on the qualifications for being president of the United States. After the teacher commented that a person must be a natural-born citizen, one of the students raised her hand. "Does that mean that if you were born by Caesarean section that you can`t be president?"

It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she'd take no nonsense from the kiddies this year.

While taking the roll, she was told by one boy "My name is Johnny Fuckhauer".

So she said "There'll be none of that kind of thing this year, Johnny; tell me your REAL name!".

The kid said "No, really teacher, it IS Johnny Fuckhauer. You can go across the hall to fourth grade and ask my brother if you
don't believe me!" Not wanting to be subjected to that kind of thing, the teacher went across the hall and knocked on the fourth grade classroom door.

The fourth grade teacher had stepped down the hall to the front office for a moment, so she entered the room and directly asked the class "Do you have a Fuckhauer in here?"

"Hell no!"replied a little kid from the front row, "We don't even get a cookie break!"

Here is a list of the ways professors grade their final exams:
DEPT OF STATISTICS:
All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY:
Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.
DEPT OF HISTORY:
All students get the same grade they got last year.
DEPT OF PHILOSOPHY:
What is a grade?
LAW SCHOOL:
Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.
DEPT OF MATHEMATICS:
Grades are variable.
DEPT OF LOGIC:
If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.
DEPT OF COMPUTER SCIENCE:
Random number generator determines grade.
MUSIC DEPARTMENT:
Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ more...

Here is a list of the ways professors here at the American
University grade their final exams:
Dept. of Statistics:
- All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
Dept. of Psychology:
- Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close
them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and
assigns the first grade that comes to mind.
Dept. of History:
- All students get the same grade they got last year.
Dept. of Religion:
- Grade is determined by God.
Dept. of Philosophy:
- What is a grade?
Law school:
- Students are asked to defend their position of why they
should receive an A.
Dept. of Mathematics:
- Grades are variable.
Dept. of Logic:
- If and only if the student is present for the final and
the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student
will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.
Dept. of Computer Science:
- Random number generator more...

Here is a list of the ways professors here at the American University grade their final exams: Dept Of Statistics: All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
Dept Of Psychology: Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.
Dept Of History: All students get the same grade they got last year.
Dept Of Religion: Grade is determined by God.
Dept Of Philosophy: What is a grade?
Law School: Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.
Dept Of Mathematics: Grades are variable.
Dept Of Logic: If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.
Dept Of Computer Science: Random number generator determines grade.
Music Department: Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the more...

Alright, so i'm about to go to the 6th grade but in the 5th grade i did something stupid.
Alright, so I recently got a really cool pen that gives you messages when you click it. Here is my story.
One day i brought the pen to school. During the spelling test I realized I couldn't find my pen! After the test I told the teacher about the pen. Everyone looked and we even spent most of recess looking. Some people looked in their desk or even cleaned their desk. Then I found it in my pocket!