Graduate Jokes / Recent Jokes

Actual Personal Ads taken from Israeli newspapers

Attractive Jewish woman, 35, college graduate, seeks successful Jewish Prince Charming to get me out of my parents' house. POB 46

Shul Gabbai, 36. I take out the Torah Saturday morning. Would like to take you out Saturday night. Please write. POB 81

Couch potato latke, in search of the right applesauce. Let's try it for eight days. Who knows? POB 43.

Divorced Jewish man, seeks partner to attend shul with, light shabbos candles, celebrate holidays, build Sukkah together, attend brisses, bar mitzvahs. Religion not important. POB 658

Sincere rabbinical student, 27. Enjoys Yom Kippur, Tisha B'av, Taanis Esther, Tzom Gedaliah, Asarah B'Teves, Shiva Asar B'Tammuz. Seeks companion for living life in the "fast" lane. POB 90

Yeshiva bochur, Torah scholar, long beard, payos. Seeks same in woman. POB 43

Worried about in-law meddling? I'm an orphan! Write. POB more...

It's graduation day, and everybody's going to get their diploma but Josh. At the assembly, the entire senior class stands up and shouts "Let Josh graduate, let Josh graduate!"

The principal agrees to give Josh one last chance. "If I have five apples in my right hand and five in my left hand, Josh, how many apples do I have?" he asked.

Josh thought long and hard and then said: "Ten."

And the entire senior class stood up and shouted, "Give Josh another chance. Give Josh another chance!"

Q: How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it may take him/her more than five years to do it.

It seem an old rabbi, in seeing his son graduate from high school, wanted to know what be the youths plans. He called the son into his study and questioned him. "Son, I vish to know, what kind of career are you going to have"? The rabbi laid on a table three items, a $100 bill, a fifth of Jamesons and the good book. He looked to the boy and said, " Ve need to know your future. If you take the $100 bill, you will become a gambler, and that is very terrible. If you take the fifth of Jameson`s, you will become a drunkard and that too is very, very bad. But...If you take the good book, you will become a rabbi, like you Papa. The young lad`s mind was blank. He was just out of high school and he did not yet know what he wanted to do with his life. After a few minutes of trying to think, he finally decided there was only one answer. The boy took the $100 bill and put it in his pocket. He picked up the Jameson`s in one hand and with the other grasped the good book, put it under more...

Bubba from the lower valley decided he wanted to get married, and brought up the subject with his Ma and Pa over grits and gravy the other night.

"Bubba," Ma said, "you can't get married yet. Why, you're the baby of the family."

"But Ma," Bubba protested, "I had my 38th birthday jest last week."

"We know that, Bubba," Pa chimed in. "But your Ma and me think you should put off getting married until after you graduate from high school."

A young man landed a job at a supermarket and reported for his first day of work. When he arrived, the manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile and handed him a broom.
"Your first job will be to sweep out the store," the manager said.
"But sir, I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm so sorry. I wasn't aware of that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom and I'll show you how it's done."

I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.