Grand Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for $30, 000+, and has $400. 00+ in monthly payments. He`s pretty proud of this rig and gets ahold of his friend to do some male bonding with the new ride. They go duck hunting and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two Atomic Brains go to the lake with their guns, the dog, the beer and of course the new vehicle.
They drive out onto the ice. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area to attract ducks - something the decoys will float on.
Remember it`s all ice, and in order to make a hole large enough to interest a flock of ducks - a hole big enough to entice ducks to land, they needed to use a little more than an ice hole drill...
Sooo, out of the back of the brand-new Jeep Grand Cherokee comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40-second fuse. Now to their credit, these two rocket scientists DID take into consideration that if they placed the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from more...
Grand Lady: George. Take my dress off.
Butler: Er. Certainly, Madam.
Grand Lady: Now, George, take my shoes off.
Butler: Er. Certainly Madam.
Grand Lady: And George...
Butler: Yes, Madam.
Grand Lady: If you want to keep your job don't wear my clothes again.
Divorce is bachelorhood, with strings attached...Tis better to have loved and lost....than have to live with the bitch the rest of my life.What do you call a woman without an asshole? Divorced.My ex-wife is like a good laxative...she irritates the shit out of you.Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.Divorce is having your genitals torn off through your wallet. - Robin WilliamsLove is grand. Divorce is at least 20 grand.When I got divorced, my wife and I split the house. I got the outside and she got the inside.Of all the new weight loss programs and exercise videos available, divorce is still the most effective. Where else can you get rid of 205 pounds in a quick 90 days.Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage. - Ambrose PierceWhen does a woman stop masturbating? After the divorce is finalized.Says Jim after the divorce was finally settled - "Eh, I didn't care for some of her habits...I mean, she was a slob! Every time I went to take a piss, more...
& Grandma of a boy don’t like eating medicine. So the boy went to the doctor and asked what he could do. The doctor tells him a trick. The boy came into home with some sweet and put the medicine inside it and gave it to Grandma to eat the sweet as she likes it very much. & After eating sweets the Grand son told to Grandma, “I am very happy to see that you have eaten all the sweets. ” Grand Ma replied, “Yes I have eaten all sweets but I didn’t like the seeds inside them and removed all seeds from it.
An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.
Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed.' 'Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?'' demanded the Grand Emir.
''A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One,'' stammered the wretched Abdul,' 'white man sit on well.''
There was a man walking through the forest in China. He came up on a old house he rang the door bell and an old man answered. The man told him that he was out lost in the jungle for 3 days and couldnt find away out of the forest, and he asked if he could stay there for a while.The old man argreed that he could if he didn't sleep with his grand daughter, because if he did there would be 3 of the worst chinese tortures inflicted upon him.So the old man took him upstairs to his room, but on the way the man caught a glimpse of the grand daughter naked and, with sure strive he made it to his room on the 2nd floor. About an hour later the grand daughter came in butt naked and they ended up sleeping together.When he woke the next mourning he found a rock on his chest under it was a card it read 1ST Chinese torture rock on chest. So the man picked up the rock and threw it out the window. Under the card he found another card which read 2nd Chinese torture left nutt tied to rock.So the man more...