Grant Jokes / Recent Jokes

These are some of the leave letters written by various personnel. English, as they say, is really a funny language!
1. An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. please sanction me one week leave...
2. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
Since I have to go to the cremation ground and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave
3. A friend of mine had written a leave letter to the headmaster:
As I am studying in this school I am suffering from head-ache. I request you to leave me today
4. A family friend of our`s told an incident of his friend`s letter:
I am suffering from fever, please declare holiday to the school
5. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.
6. Another leave letter written to Administration dept:
As my mother-in-law has expired and I am more...

A guy goes into a bar and orders a beer. He happens to look down the bar and sees a man with a head the size of a cue ball sitting there, so he walks down and says to the man, "Excuse me, sir, I don?t mean to be rude, but I noticed you have a small head. Is this a birth defect?"

The man says, "No, I got this in the war. My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. I was the only survivor on the ship, so I swam to shore."

"Then one day, a mermaid swam up to me and said she would grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I wanted to return to the U.S. The mermaid granted that wish. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Wish granted. My third wish was to have sex with the mermaid."

"What she'd say," the curious stranger asked.

"She said, "I can't grant that wish, because mermaids can't have sex.'"

"So," continued the old man with a dejected look more...

A group of goose biologists were meeting to brainstorm about the migration tactics of Canada geese. They were particularly interested in applying for a $100, 000 Federal grant to investigate the "V" formation of goose flight. It had been observed that one side of the "V" is always longer than the other side. This group would put together a research proposal to apply for the $100, 000 grant and hopefully find out why this happens. To start off the discussion, Todd, the Consulting Firm Biologist stands up and says in typical consultant fashion, "I say we ask for $200, 000, and attempt to model the wind drag coefficients. We can have our geologists record and map the ground topography and then our staff meteorologists can predict potential updraft currents. Our internal CAD department can then produce 3-d drawings of the predicted wing tip vortices. Then, after several years of study, our in-house publications department could produce a nice thick report full of more...

Thought I'd pass along a grant proposal for important research. The following letter was received by the head meteorologist at the Miami, FL weather service office.
Dear Sir:
Last night, my 7 year-old son saw the movie Twister. He has abandoned his dreams of being a train engineer and wants to be a meteorologist. Needless to say he was determined to make an even better tornado studying machine. He wanted to empty his bank account to get a tornado sniffing dog.
I told him that the U.S. Government funded scientific research, and suggested he write for a grant. I thought you may enjoy his efforts, and I know that we would appreciate some kind of reply to his Grant Request.
Thank you for your time.
Dear Sirs:
I want to make an experiment to study tornadoes from the inside. I need a lot of money, so I am asking you for a Grant.
I will need these things:
1 helicopter
5 gallons of gas for the helicopter
5 pilots for the helicopter
1 stewardess to more...