Grant Jokes / Recent Jokes
These three scientists decided to go fishing one day. So they packed up all of their gear and headed down to the lake.They were having terrible luck, they weren't catching a thing. But all the sudden, one of the scientists feels a pull at his line. He shouts out, "I got something, I got something!"So he reels his catch in and much to his surprise, it's a Mermaid. She tells the scientists, "If you let me go, I will grant you each one wish." Well they think that's a pretty good deal, so they agree.The first scientist, the one who caught the Mermaid, tells her, "I want you to double my IQ." The Mermaid says, no problem. Snaps her fingers, and suddenly he's solving all of these problems they had been working on for months.So the next scientist thinks that's pretty neat, so he tells the Mermaid, "I want you to tripple my IQ." So the Mermaid says, "No problem." snaps her fingers once again, and now this scientist is finding cures for AIDS more...
A religious man is on top of a roof during a great flood. A man comes by in a boat and says "get in, get in!" The religous man replies, " no I have faith in God, he will grant me a miracle." Later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by and the guy tells him to get in again. He responds that he has faith in god and god will give him a miracle. With the water at about chest high, another boat comes to rescue him, but he turns down the offer again cause "God will grant him a miracle." With the water at chin high, a helicopter throws down a ladder and they tell him to get in, mumbling with the water in his mouth, he again turns down the request for help for the faith of God. He arrives at the gates of heaven with broken faith and says to Peter, I thought God would grand me a miracle and I have been let down." St. Peter chuckles and responds, "I don't know what you're c omplaining about, we sent you three boats and a helicopter."
A famous scientist developed a formula to bring statues to life.
He went to a local park to try it out on a statue of Gen. Ulysses Grant.
After application, Gen Grant began to move and soon was completely alive.
The scientist asked, "What's the first thing you'll do, General?"
The general answered while drawing his pistol "I'm going to kill about a million damn pigeons!"
After seeing the story about the recent sex scandal of Hue Grant, Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates had a burning desire to have sex with
Divin Brown ( the prostitue who was with Hue Grant). Without much trouble he arranges to meet Divine at hotel in Washington.
After sex Bill and Divine are lying on the bed and Bill who was thrilled by the whole experience says
" Now I know why they named you Divine" to which Divine mutters dissapointingly
" Now I know why you named it Micro-soft"
This guy was out playing his weekly round of golf when he hit
a shot into the trap off the 11th green. So he pulls out his sand wedge
and takes a swing at the ball only to hit something metallic underneath.
Being curious, he digs away the sand only to find what looks like Aladin's
Lamp. It's kind of dirty, so he takes out his golf towel to clean it off.
All of a sudden... POOF!... a genie apears from the lamp and says,
"Sir, you have freed me from the lamp! For this I will grant you 3 wishes!"
The man thinks for a moment and says, "You know, I have everything I could
possibly want. Give the wishes to someone else." He quickly putts out and
leaves for the 12th tee.
The genie is flabergasted. "To think that someone in this world could feel
so fulfilled that he could pass up not just 1 but 3 wishes! I know what
I'll do. To reward him, I'll grant him 3 things without him knowing. Now
lets see. What does every man more...
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer when all of a sudden he said aloud, "Lord grant me one wish". The sky clouded and a booming voice said, "Because you have tried to be faithful I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want to."
The Lord answered, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time to think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me".
The man thought for a long time and finally said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know what they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say' nothing', and how more...