Granted Jokes / Recent Jokes
a bear is chasing a rabbit and they stumble upon a magic lamp. a genie appeared put of noware and said "for releasing me you both get 3 wishes." he turned to the bear and said what is your 1st wish. the bear said "i wish all of the bears in this park are girls except me." the genie said "your wish has been granted." he turns to the rabbit and says "what is your first wish" the rabbit says "i wish that i had a motercycle." the genie said "your wish has been granted." the genie turned to the bear and said "what is your second wish." the bear said "i wish all the bears in the country were girls exept me." the genie said your wish has been granted." he turned to the rabbit and said" what is your second wish." the rabbit said" i wish that i had a helmet to go with my mortercycle." the genie said "your wish has been granted" he turned to the bear and said "what is your more...
God created heaven and the earth. Quickly he was faced with a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was stymied with the cease and desist order for the earthly part.
Appearing at the hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the first place. He replied that he just liked to be creative. Then God said, "Let there be light", and immediately the officials demanded to know how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What about thermal pollution?
God explained that the light would come from a huge ball of fire. God was granted provisional permission to make light, assuming that no smoke would result from the ball of fire: that he would obtain a building permit; and to conserve energy, would have the light out half the time. God agreed and said he would call the light "Day" and the darkness "Night". Officials replied more...
These 3 men were traped on a burning building and out popped a magic guy. He said that they could each make a wish to get off but they have to do some of the work to. One of the men was a Chinees guy. He went first. He wished he could turn into a hawk...His wish was granted. He flew off the buildidng uninjured. Another guy was an African person. He wished he was a eagle...His wish was granted too. So he flew off the building also uninjured. The last person was an American blonde guy. He was walking towards the end of the building about to make his wish when he tripped on a rock....He fell off the building and said,"
Ohh crap!!"
... and you guessed it! He turned into crap and fell down!
what a sad sad sad story
If the Vikings were around today, they would probably be amazed at how much glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how we take so much of it for granted. We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.
I wish scientists would come up with a way to make dogs a lot bigger, but with a smaller head. That way, they'd still be good as watchdogs, but they wouldn't eat as much.
If you had a school for professional fireworks people, I don't think you could cover fuses in just one class. It's just too rich a subject.
People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side, which is the preening.
If I live in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That was if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like, "Hey look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, more...
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Administration) loan for a client. He was told that the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to FHA, he received the following reply:
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have cleared the Title to the proposed collateral property only back to the year 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
"Your letter regarding Titles in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have Titles more...
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Administration) loan for a client. He was told that the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a
parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated
back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down.After sending the information to FHA, he received the following reply: “Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you
prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared the Title to the proposed collateral property back to the year 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.”Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
“Your letter regarding Titles in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have Titles more...
One evening, after attending the theater, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and attractive young lady walking ahead of them. One of them turned to the other and remarked, "I`d give $250. 00 to spend the night with that woman."
Much to their surprise, the young lady overheard the remark, turned around, and replied, "I`ll take you up on that offer."
She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his companion good night, the man accompanied the young lady to her apartment.
The following morning the man presented her with $125. 00 as he prepared to leave. She demanded the rest of the money, stating "If you don`t give me the other $125. 00, I`ll sue you for it."
He laughed, saying, "I`d like to see you get it on these grounds." Within a few days, he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a more...