Grapes Jokes / Recent Jokes

A duck walks into a bar, sits down at the barstool, and waits for the bartender.

The bartender walks up, hands the duck a menu, waits a while, and comes back to take his order. "What'll it be?" the bartender says.

The duck says, "I think I'll have the grapes." "Well, I'm sorry sir, but this is a bar, we don't serve grapes here. Now, I'll let you look a bit longer and wave when you know what you want."

The duck looks at the menu, then waves the bartender down. "Ok, you got your order?" The duck nods, saying, "I'll think I'll have the grapes."

The bartender, kind of peeved from the duck, says, "Look Mac, we don't have any grapes here. This is a bar. We don't serve grapes, so what will you have?!"

The duck looks at him in the eyes and says, "I'll have the grapes."

The bartender, enraged, shouts, "If you ask for the grapes one more time I'm going to more...

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor. He gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests, then concluded, "Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you. On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and some doughnuts." "Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's' love canal'. Then, on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue." "Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his' love pole'. Then, like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut." The couple went home and their sex life became more and more more...

One day a duck walked into a QuickTrip and said to the clerk, "Hey, got any grapes?"

The clerk said, " This is a gas station, we don't sell grapes. If you want grapes go to the grocery store. And besides you're a duck, so get out!"

The next day the duck walked in the same store and the same clerk was on duty. The duck said, "Hey, got any grapes?"

The clerk said, "What did I tell you yesterday? This is a gas station, we don't sell grapes. If you want grapes go to the grocery store. And besides you're a duck, so get out!

The next day the duck walked in again and the same clerk was on duty. The duck said, "Hey got any..." The clerk grabbed his bill before he could get it all out. Then the clerk said, "If you ask that question one more time I'll nail your beak to this counter!"

The duck said, "Got any nails?"

The clerk said, "No."

Then the more...

Tom Cruise, Steven Seagal, and Alec Baldwin were in a jungle filming a movie. Sadly, they were taken prisoner by the local tribe. As they were about to be executed, they begged the queen of the tribe for mercy.
She considered their plea and said, "Get me something good to eat. If I like it, you will be freed." The three stars looked at each other and agreed. They then went into the jungle to look for some food.
Tom Cruise was the first to come back. He came up to the altar and offered grapes. She tasted one and immediately spat it out. She ordered her servants to shove the rest of them up his ass. The servants finished their duty, leaving him screaming.
Seagal was the next to arrive with some yummy apples. The same thing happened to him, but curiously he laughed as the apples were shoved up his ass.
Tom Cruise was shocked. Here he was with grapes up his ass howling in pain, but Seagal had several apples in his ass and he was still laughing. He asked him more...