Grapes Jokes / Recent Jokes
A duck walks into a store and asks the clerk if she has any grapes.
The clerk says no and the duck walks out of the store.
Five minutes later the duck walks back in and asks the same question.
The clerk says no again and the duck walks back out of the store.
Five minutes later the duck comes in again and asks the same question.
The clerk says, "No, I don't have any grapes and if you come in again and ask
the same question I'll nail your feet to the ground!" The duck walks out of the store.
Five minutes later the duck walks into the store again and asks the clerk if she has any nails. The clerk says no and the duck says, "Okay then, do you have any grapes?"
A guy walks into a bar with a monkey and orders a drink for himself. The bartender looks at the monkey and says to the guy, "Hey, we have health standards here, get that monkey out of here!"
"Aw," says the guy, "He's Okay. I'll pay for any damages that he makes."
Ill at ease, the bartender agrees. After a few minutes, the monkey jumps from the bar over to the pool table, grabs the cue ball and swallows it.
"That's it!" the bartender screams, "Get that monkey out of here!"
"Hey," says the guy, "it's Okay. Look, I'll pay you for the cue ball and leave."
The guy drops a bill on the bar, gathers his monkey and leaves.
Two weeks later, the same guy with the same monkey show up at the same bar. The bartender, remembering the incident, says, "Listen buddy, are you going to keep your monkey in line?"
"Yeah," says the guy, "don't worry about any cue more...
In a village, they had a rule that says "if anyone is caught stealing, the person will be asked to pick a fruit and 50 of that fruit will be shoved up his/her ass At once/the same time. but as they are shoving the fruit up the ass you must not laugh, if you do your head will cut off immediatly".
So they caught these three thieves trying to steal money. so they were asked to go get a fruit each(folowing the rules).
The first thief brought oranges...and they started shoving 50 of it in his butt at the same time, so he died.
The Second thief brought grapes(which was very small). but as they started shoving it up his ass, he started laughing so they cut his head off.
When he got to heaven, the first thief was very upset with him and was like why was he laughing because he wouldnt have died since the grapes were very small. the second thief still laughing was like "you dont understand". the first thief was like "Understand what?" then the more...
A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!'' The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?'' Confused, the bartenders says no. ''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes?''
A duck walks into a convenience store. He asks the man at the counter, “You got any grapes? ” Guy at the counter says, “No, we don’t have any grapes. ” Duck says “okay. ” and he leaves.
The next day the duck comes back in and says “You got any grapes? ” The man once again replies, “No! We do not have any grapes. ” The duck says “Okay. ” and he leaves.
The third day the duck walks in again and asks, “You got any grapes? ” The man is very annoyed and says, “No! For the last time, we do NOT have any grapes. If you come in here again and ask for grapes, I’m gonna nail your bill to the floor! ” The duck replies “Okay, ” and leaves.
The fourth day the duck returns once again and asks, “You got any nails? ” The man at the counter says “No. ” The duck says, “Well then, you got any grapes? ”
A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor, and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests and then concluded, "Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you."
"On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and some doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue."
"Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut."
The couple went home and their more...