Grass Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?"The monks more...

Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you?
Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!

What’s a mushroom?
The place they store the school food!

Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you’ve only drawn the cow?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass!

My teacher reminds me of history
She’s always repeating herself!

A math joke
Teacher: Did your parents help you with these homework problems?
Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself!

One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. “Why are you eating grass? ”, he asked one man.
“We don’t have any money for food. ”, The poor man replied.
“Oh, come along with me then. ”
“But sir, I have a wife with two children! ”
“Bring them along! And you, come with me too! ”, he said to the other man.
“But sir, I have a wife with six children! ” The second man answered.
“Bring them as well! ”
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says “sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you. ”
The rich man replied “No, you don’t understand, the grass at my home is about three feet tall! ”

Teacher: Students Draw A Picture Of A Cow Which Is Eating Grass.
Student: Here It Is Teacher.
Teacher: Where? It Is Blank.
Student: The Cow Has Eaten All Of The Grass And Has Gone Away.

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, fishing, always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass," I said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalk."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?", he asked one man. "We dont have any money for food.", The poor man replied. "Oh, come along with me then." "But sir, I have a wife with two children!" "Bring them along! And you, come with me too!", he said to the other man. "But sir, I have a wife with six children!" The second man answered. "Bring them as well!" They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says "sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The rich man replied "No, you dont understand, the grass at my home is about three feet tall!"

A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.' Wow, this is great,' he thought.

It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.

"Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?"
"Yes. Come and join us," they cried.

Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. I tasted so good. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked.

"Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them."

This, he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating more...