Grass Jokes / Recent Jokes

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two pathetic-looking men by the side of the road, eating grass. He ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked the men, “Why are you eating grass? ”
“We don’t have no money for food, ” the first man replied.
“Then you must come with me to my house, ” insisted the lawyer.
“But, sir, I got a wife and three kids here, ” said the man.
“Bring them along! ” replied the lawyer.
The second man exclaimed, “I got a wife and six kids! ”
“Bring them as well! ”, the lawyer proclaimed as he headed back to his limo.
They all climbed into the car, and once underway, one of the men expresses, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you. ”
The lawyer replied, “I’m most happy to do it. You’ll love my place. The grass is almost a foot tall. ”

A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.' Wow, this is great,' he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.

'Hey,' he called.' I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you guys wild rabbits?'

'Yes we are. We're so glad you escaped, welcome to freedom, please come and join us,' they cried.

Our friend hopped over to them and after normal rabbit introductions, started eating the grass. It tasted so good.' What else do you free rabbits do?' he asked.

'Well,' one of them said.' You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them.'

This, he couldn't more...

A man walks into a friend and sees that his friends caris total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend,"Whats happened to your car?""Well," the friend responses, "I ran into a lawyer"."OK," says the man, "that explains the blood... But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?""Well, I had to chase him all through the park."

A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. “Wow, this is great, ” he thought. It wasn’t long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight: lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.
Hey, ” he called. “I’m a rabbit from the laboratory and I’ve just escaped. Are you wild rabbits? ”
“Yes. Come and join us, ” they cried. Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. “What else do you wild rabbits do? ” he asked. “Well, ” one of them said. “You see that field there? It’s got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them. ” This he couldn’t resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful. Later, he asked more...

Cunning Chinese scientists invented fireworks centuries before Francis Scott Key wrote the Star Spangled Banner. Their favorite little sparkler was a plunder-triggered land mine known as

"Underground Sky-Soaring Thunder." Anyone that plucked up the plunder got triggered sky high on a wave of thunder. Floating marine mines were invented by the Chinese in the 14th century, using inflated ox bladders. In this century they have cunningly invented marine "Smart" Mines too, mines smart enough to border on the brilliant.

Actually, they extend a little beyond the border. Chinese Smart Mines can tell the difference between Carriers and Love Boats. They can even spot the X in the plosion where the damage would be the most exasperating. That's pretty sophisticated for a government that pays people to cut grass with stainless steel scissors.

Smart Mines are dangerous even if they don't get loose into the open sea. Recent history tells us that more...

And so it came to pass, that the king of the tribe (pick your location) died, while his son was still a young child. The tribe gathered around the king's grass hut, and mourned. And the minister took charge, while the boy grew.
But a minister cannot sit upon the throne, so it was stored in the royal grass hut. To keep anyone else from sitting upon it, a rope was attached and the huge, ornately-carved chair was hoisted up inside the ceiling of the domed hut, until the boy came of age to be crowned.
One day, as the boy was playing quietly in the hut, the rope broke, and the heavy throne plummeted to the floor, crushing the poor prince to death.
To this day, we remember that PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN GRASS HOUSES SHOULDN'T STOW THRONES.

A married man and his secretary are having an affair.

They decide to leave the office early and go to the secretary`s appartment for an afternoon of. ......, whatever its called.

They fall asleep and don`t wake up till 8 PM later that night.

They quickly get dressed and the man asks the secretary to take his shoes and go and rub them in the grass.

The secretary thinks this is pretty weird, but she does it anyway.

The man finally gets home and his wife meets him at the door.

The wife`s very upset and asks, "Where the hell have you been?"

The husband replies, "I was taught in school that truth is very painful, but it sets you free, so I will not tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair, we left work early today, went to her appartment, made love all afternoon, and then we fell asleep. That`s why I`m late!!"

The wife looks at him, takes notice of his shoes and says, more...