Grass Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two strangers were seated next to each other on the plane when the guy turned to the beautiful blond bimbo and made his move by saying, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly, and said to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the player. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
Oh brother," said the guy. "I have no idea."
Well, then," said the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know more...

One
afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine
when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got
out to investigate.
He asked one man "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the
poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house
and I'll feed you" the lawyer said. But sir,
I have a wife and two children with me. They are over
there, under that tree." "Bring them along,"
the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man
he stated, "You come with us also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But
sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task,
even for a car as large as the limousine was. more...

the grass is always greener on the other side, unless of course chuck norris has been there. In that cas, it is probably soaked in blood and tears

One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he noticed two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man. "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "Oh, come along with me then." the man from the limousine said excitedly. "But sir, I have a wife with two children!" "Bring them along! And you, come with us too!" he said to the other man. "But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered. "Bring them as well!" So, they all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a vehicle as large as the limousine. One of the poor fellows expressed his gratitude, &

If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, maybe yours needs a little more tending.

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car.
As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.
Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."
The man says, "All right, all right. I'm *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become more...

Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.” The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, “What would you like to talk about?” “Oh, I don’t know,” said the Obama. “How about What Changes I Should Make To America?” and he smiles. “OK,” she says. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?” Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.” To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to change America when more...