Great Jokes / Recent Jokes
A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused.Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.Active socially: Drinks heavily.Alert to company developments: An office gossip.Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.Average: Not too bright.Bridge builder: Likes to compromise.Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law.Charismatic: No interest in any opinion but his own.Competent: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.Conscientious and careful: Scared.Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.Consults with supervisor often: Very annoying.Delegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well.Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear.Displays great dexterity and agility: Dodges and evades superiors well.Enjoys job: Needs more to do.Excels in sustaining concentration but avoids confrontations: Ignores everyone.Excels in more...
The following is an exact transcription of a letter John Mongan received from MIT, and the reply that he sent them. Unfortunately, they chose to discontinue their correspondence at that point. I have heard, however, that their recruitment letter has been revised and is far less snotty than it once was.
April 18, 1994
Mr. John T. Mongan 123 Main Street Smalltown, California 9;;;;,-;;;;,
Dear John:
You've got the grades. You've certainly got the PSAT scores. And now you've got a letter from MIT. Maybe you're surprised. Most students would be.
But you're not most students. And that's exactly why I urge you to consider carefully one of the most selective universities in America.
The level of potential reflected in your performance is a powerful indicator that you might well be an excellent candidate for MIT. It certainly got my attention!
Engineering's not for you? No problem. It may surprise you to learn we offer more than 40 major fields of study, from more...
A guy decides that he'd like to have a pet. While looking around in the pet shop, he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch but it doesn't have any feet or legs. "Geez, I wonder what happened to this poor parrot," the guy says out loud.
"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."
"Ha," the guy laughs, "It sounded like the parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."
"I understood every single word," the parrot says. "I'm a highly intelligent, very well educated bird."
"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"This is a little embarrassing, but since you asked I'll tell you," the parrot whispers. "I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy. "You really more...
"This class was a religious experience for me... I had to take it all on faith." "Text makes a satisfying 'thud' when dropped on the floor." "The class is worthwhile because I need it for the degree." "His blackboard technique puts Rembrandt to shame." "Textbook is confusing... Someone with a knowledge of English should proofread it." "Have you ever fell asleep in class and awoke in another? That's the way I felt all term." "In class I learn I can fudge answers and get away with it." "Keep lecturer or tenure board will be shot." "The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant. Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him." "Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room." "In class the syllabus is more important than you are." "I am convinced that you can learn by osmosis by just sitting in his class." "Help! I've more...
For a gift this year a guy's wife purchased him a week of private lessons at the local health club. Though still in great shape from when he was on the varsity chess team in high school, he decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it. He called and made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model. His wife seemed very pleased with how enthusiastic he was to get started. Here is his story of how the week went.
DAY 1.
They suggest I keep this "exercise diary" to chart my progress this week. Started the morning at 6: 00 AM. Tough to get up, but worth it when I arrived at the health club and Tanya was waiting for me. She's something of a goddess, with blond hair and a dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing next to her added about ten more...
You go to a party and you see a SEXY girl across the room. You go up to her and say "Hi, I'm great in bed, what about it?".
That's direct marketing.
You go to a party and you see a SEXY girl across the room. You give your friend a tenner. She goes up and says "Hi, my friend over there is great in bed, what about it?".
That's advertising.
You go to a party, you see a SEXY girl across the room. She comes over and says, "Hi, I hear you're great in bed, what about it?"
Now that is the power of branding!