"Evaluating progress" joke
A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused.Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.Active socially: Drinks heavily.Alert to company developments: An office gossip.Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.Average: Not too bright.Bridge builder: Likes to compromise.Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law.Charismatic: No interest in any opinion but his own.Competent: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.Conscientious and careful: Scared.Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.Consults with supervisor often: Very annoying.Delegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well.Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear.Displays great dexterity and agility: Dodges and evades superiors well.Enjoys job: Needs more to do.Excels in sustaining concentration but avoids confrontations: Ignores everyone.Excels in the effective application of skills: Makes a good cup of coffee.Exceptionally well qualified: Has committed no major blunders to date.Expresses self well: Can string two sentences together.Gets along extremely well with superiors and subordinates alike: A coward.Happy: Paid too much.Hard worker: Usually does it the hard way.Identifies major management problems: Complains a lot.Indifferent to instruction: Knows more than superiors.Internationally know: Likes to go to conferences and trade shows in Las Vegas.Is well informed: Knows all office gossip and where all the skeletons are kept.Inspires the cooperation of others: Gets everyone else to do the work.Is unusually loyal: Wanted by no-one else.Judgement is usually sound: Lucky.Keen sense of humor: Knows lots of dirty jokes.Keeps informed on business issues: Subscribes to Playboy and National Enquirer.Listens well: Has no ideas of his own.Maintains a high degree of participation: Comes to work on time.Maintains professional attitude: A snob.Meticulous in attention to detail: A nitpicker.Mover and shaker: Favors steamroller tactics without regard for other opinions.Not a desk person: Did not go to college.Of great value to the organization: Turns in work on time.Use all available resources: Takes office supplies home for personal use.Quick thinking: Offers plausible excuses for errors.Requires work-value attitudinal readjustment: Lazy and hard-headed.Should go far: Please.Slightly below average: Stupid.Spends extra hours on the job: Miserable home life.Stern disciplinarian: A real jerk.Straightforward: Blunt and insensitive.Strong adherence to principles: Stubborn.Tactful in dealing with superiors: Knows when to keep mouth shut.Takes advantage of every opportunity to progress: Buys drinks for superiors.Takes pride in work: Conceited.Unlimited potential: Will stick with us until retirement.Uses resources well: Delegates everything.Uses time effectively: Clock watcher.Very creative: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.Visionary: Cannot handle paperwork or any project that lasts less than a week.Well organized: Does too much busywork.Will go far: Relative of management.Willing to take calculated risks: Doesn't mind spending someone else's money.Zealous attitude: Opinionated.