Progress Jokes

Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.

A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused.Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.Active socially: Drinks heavily.Alert to company developments: An office gossip.Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.Average: Not too bright.Bridge builder: Likes to compromise.Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law.Charismatic: No interest in any opinion but his own.Competent: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.Conscientious and careful: Scared.Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.Consults with supervisor often: Very annoying.Delegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well.Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear.Displays great dexterity and agility: Dodges and evades superiors well.Enjoys job: Needs more to do.Excels in sustaining concentration but avoids confrontations: Ignores everyone.Excels in more...

We get our jokes from all sorts of places, including the old standard of Google. While searching for a new Farmer's Daughter Joke, I came across this REAL abstract for a psych paper.

It may not be funny, but I find irony in someone taking a style of joke so seriously...

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A sample of "farmer's daughter" jokes, gathered from archives, personal informants, and published collections, is examined in relation to the developmental progress of the latency-age boys who most often tell them. The joke texts are divided into three categories-oedipal triumph, castration, and feminization-each of which represents a different regressive fantasy. Through these fantasied scenarios, the joke teller can safely work through some of the anxieties he experiences as a result of the recent repression of the oedipal conflict. Common themes of latency fantasies such as separation from the family, confusion of gender identity, and more...

Bolub's Fourth Law of Computerdom: Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly manifests their lack of progress.

When I began writing this letter, I had the notion that I would write about something positive and optimistic instead of going on about how homophobic Mr. Osama Bin Laden is. Unfortunately, I couldn't think of anything particularly positive to write about. So, instead, I'll just tell you that words fail me in describing my pure distaste for Osama's sermons and brainless practices. In the text that follows, when I quote from Osama, I will use the word "excrement" in place of another word which is now apparently permitted in general circulation publications, and which I have edited out. Some will say I exaggerate, but, actually, I'm being quite lenient. I didn't mention, for example, that he says he's going to shower bloodthirsty traitors with undeserved praise quicker than you can double-check the spelling of "ultracentrifugation". Is he out of his mind? The answer is fairly obvious when you consider that he dreams of a time when he'll be free to brand me as more...