Microfilm Jokes

The Top Ten Lies Told by Graduate Students taken from the Harvard Crimson
10. It doesn't bother me at all that my college roommate is making $80, 000 a year on Wall Street.
9. I'd be delighted to proofread your book/chapter/article.
8. My work has a lot of practical importance.
7. I would never date an undergraduate.
6. Your latest article was so inspiring.
5. I turned down a lot of great job offers to come here.
4. I just have one more book to read and then I'll start writing.
3. The department is giving me so much support.
2. My job prospects look really good.
1. No really, I'll be out of here in only two more years.

Top Five Lies Told By Teaching Assistants:
5. I'm not going to grant any extensions.
4. Call me any time. I'm always available.
3. It doesn't matter what I think; write what you believe.
2. Think of the midterm as a diagnostic tool.
1. My other section is much better prepared tha you more...

...you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.
...your office is better decorated than your apartment.
...you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet.
...you are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read.
...you have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar.
...you rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop.
...everything reminds you of something in your discipline.
...you have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.
...you have ever spent more than $50 on photocopying while researching a single paper.
...there is a microfilm reader in the library that you consider "yours."
...you actually have a preference between microfilm and microfiche.
...you can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library.
...you look forward to summers because you're more productive without the more...

You can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.
Your carrel is better decorated than your apartment.
You have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet.
You are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read.
You have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar.
You rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop.
Everything reminds you of something in your discipline.
You have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.
You have ever spent more than $50 on photocopying while researching a single paper.
There is a microfilm reader in the library that you consider "yours."
You actually have a preference between microfilm and microfiche.
You can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library.
You look forward to summers because you're more productive without the distraction of classes.
You consider more...