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If you wanna be a record breaker...
MOST HORRIBLE DRINK
The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely drunk is Khoona. It is drunk by Afghan tribesmen on their wedding night and consists of a small amount of still-warm 'very recently attained' bull semen. It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac.
MOST OFFENSIVE COCKTAIL
This is available from a few select bars in New York.
It contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful of French mustard and a dash of lime. It is not mixed, but served with a tampon (unused) instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a 'C*** Pump'.
GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN
Horst Schultz acheived 18 ft 9 in with a 'substantial' amount of seminal fluid. He also hold the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4 in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7 mph.
LONGEST TURD
The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American, who produced a more...

A young Jewish boy starts attending public school in a small town. The teacher
of the one-room school decides to use her position to try to influence the
new student. She asks the class, "Who was the greatest man that ever lived?"
A girl raises her hand and says, "I think George Washington was the greatest
man that ever lived because he is the Father of our country." The teacher
replies, "Well...that's a good answer, but that's not the answer I am looking
for." Another young student raises his hand and says, "I think Abraham
Lincoln was the greatest man that lived because he freed the slaves and helped
end the civil war."... "Well, that's another good answer, but that is not
the one I was looking for." Then the new Jewish boy raises his hand and
says, "I think Jesus Christ was the greatest man that ever lived." The
teacher's mouth drops open in astonishment. "Yes!", she more...

A young Jewish boy starts attending public school in a smalltown. The teacher of the one-room school decides to use herposition to try to influence the new student. She asks theclass, "Who was the greatest man that ever lived?"A girl raises her hand and says, "I think George Washingtonwas the greatest man that ever lived because he is the Fatherof our country." The teacher replies, "Well...that's a goodanswer, but that's not the answer I am looking for."Another young student raises his hand and says, "I thinkAbraham Lincoln was the greatest man that lived because hefreed the slaves and helped end the civil war."... "Well, that'sanother good answer, but that is not the one I was looking for."Then the new Jewish boy raises his hand and says, "I thinkJesus Christ was the greatest man that ever lived." Theteacher's mouth drops open in astonishment. "Yes!" she says,"that's the answer I was looking for." She more...

My greatest fear in life is that no-one will remember me after I'm dead. - some dead guy

What was the greatest accomplishment of the early Romans? Speaking Latin!

The world's greatest hypnotist is on stage in front of hundredsof people swinging a long chain with a watch on the end. He's saying, "You're all in my power... you're all in my power.."Fifteen hundred people are going, "Oooo..."He starts to say it again, "You're all in my...", when heaccidentally drops the watch. He says, "Shit."It took them two weeks to dig everybody out.

The following were answers provided by 6th graders during a history test. Watch the spelling! Some of the best humor is in the misspelling.
Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened read, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
In the Olympic games, Greeks ran more...