Greatest Jokes / Recent Jokes
What's the greatest world-wide use of cowhide? To hold cows together.
What's the greatest birthday present? Hard to say - but a drum takes a lot of beating.
The greatest monarch, on the proudest throne is still obliged to sit upon his own arse.
Who was the worlds greatest thief? Atlas, because he held up the whole world!
WHEN PROFESSOR MITCHELL SAYS:
YOU WRITE:
"Probably the greatest quality of the
poetry of John Milton, who was born in
1608, is the combination of beauty and
power. Few have excelled him in the use
of the English language, or for that
matter, in lucidity of verse form,
' Paradise Lost' being said to be the
greatest single poem ever written."
John Milton--born 1608
"When Lafayette first came to this
country, he discovered America. The
Americans needed his help if their
cause was to survive, and this he
promptly supplied them."
Lafayette discovered America
"Current historians have come to doubt
the complete advantageousness of some
of Roosevelt's policies"
Most of the problems that now face
the United States are directly
traceable to the bungling and greed
of President Roosevelt.
"... it is possible that we do not
understand the more...
When Abraham Liebowitz gets to school he discovers that he is the only Jewish kid in the class. But it's a decent town and nobody really bothers him. One day the teacher asks the class "Who was the greatest person who ever lived? and why?" And to make it interesting she held a twenty dollar bill in the air and said "whoever gives the best answer will get this twenty dollars". All of the kids called out their guesses. One said "George Washington - because he was the father of our country." "That's excellent" said the teacher. Another said "Abraham Lincoln - because he freed the slaves." "That's also good" said the teacher, reluctant to bestow an excellent, but still being polite. One little girl said "Joan of Arc - because she saved France." Another excellent choice said the teacher. Then Abraham Liebowitz, raised his hand. nSo the teacher called on him. "Abraham, who do you think was the greatest person who more...
Three surgeons at a conference were discussing their greatest operations during one of the breaks.
First surgeon: "I once had an ambulance crew bring in a man's leg and my team and I built a new body around it and now that he's recovered fully he does the work of five guys." Second surgeon: "That's really good. My greatest test was a few skin fragments sent to us by the local nuclear plant after a major accident. My team and I work for three days and built an entire new person around those few bits and sent him back to work six months later. He's so good that he now runs the entire plant by himself!"
Third surgeon: "Not bad, my friend. I was walking along outside the White House when Clinton went jogging by and farted. I captured that fart in a plastic bag and went to the hospital. My team and I built another ass hole around that fart, added a brain and he's so good he's putting this entire country out of work!"