Greatest Jokes / Recent Jokes
While swimming in the nude at a deserted California beach, the young chap sustained a painful sunburn over his entire body; and later that night, while in bed with his date, he found the agony almost unbearable. Stepping into the kitchen, he poured a tall glass of cold milk and submerged the object of his greatest discomfort.
"My God!" the girl gasped, watching him from the doorway. "I've always wondered how men load that thing!"
In 1923, do you know who was:
President of the largest steel company?
President of the largest gas company?
President of the New York Stock Exchange?
Greatest wheat speculator?
President of the Bank of International Settlement?
Great Bear of Wall Street?
The winner of the US Open and PGA Tournaments?
These men were considered among the world's most successful. At least they were at the peak of their money making careers. Now, more than 55 years later, do you know what became of them???
The President of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a pauper.
The President of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, became insane.
The President of the NYSE, Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home.
The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless.
The president of the Bank of International Settlement shot himself.
The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Rivermore, died a suicide.
Gene more...
The Oscars are here! The Oscars are here!
The single greatest night of year is coming, and that means it's time for me to tell you who will win! I'm good, you know it. Last year, I told you James Coburn would win, and you all laughed, and he won. WHY DO YOU DOUBT ME?
Many of you cling to the belief that the Oscar goes to the most deserving nominee. Get over yourself. Oscars have nothing to do with talent and everything to do with marketing. With that in mind, here is the list of who will win.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR OK, everyone loved the little kid in Sixth Sense. But the last time the Academy gave an award to a damn kid (Anna Paquin from The Piano) she vanished off the face of the Earth to concentrate on a spelling bee. Face it, they ain't gonna give an award to anyone who still worships the Power Rangers. How about Michael Clarke Duncan from The Green Mile? Too tall. Jude Law? Forget it, his name's Jude.
There are really only two possible more...
Q. Who's the world's greatest athlete?
A. The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.
One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie.
Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.
"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.
Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the more...
What are the two greatest lies? "The check is in the mail," and "I promise I won't cum in your mouth."