Groom Jokes / Recent Jokes
A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding
where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked
pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might
kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.
But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main
staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life.
She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in
the hotel. The clerk looked really concerned,
"Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an
alligator!"
The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak,
"Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years, and I
thought he meant his money!!"
Show up totally smashed. Be as obnoxious and unruly as possible.When the priest says his little "If anyone know any reason..." ditty, say, "Look at him! Look at her! These people should not reproduce!" or rattle off every mean, nasty thing the ex ever did to you, including that time when he went to see "Jesus Christ Superstar" with his mother on the night of your anniversary.Send hookers. Laugh incessantly during the ceremony, for no apparent reason. Trip the bride on the way up. Wrestling, anyone? Two words: bomb threat.Have a nice heart-to-heart with the mother of the bride (or groom). What you say is up to you, and the more horrid the better.Pretend you've been seeing the groom secretly. Claim you've had his love child and he looks just like him.Say you've had an affair with the bride if you're female, and the groom if you're male.Make a big production about how this is all killing you. Laugh at anyone who takes you seriously.Silly string! or, better more...
Show up with a baby and claim he belongs to the newlyweds.
Cover yourself with glue to improve your chances of catching the bouquet.
Offer to show people pictures of the bride having sex with a dog.
Tell people that you knew the bride before the sex change operation.
Tell the bride that the only reason you can look at her is that you used to be a proctologist.
Instead of a standard gift, give the newlyweds a gift certificate for a drug rehab clinic.
As you move down the receiving line, spit on each person.
Ask the bride's mother to give you a hand job.
Give the bride some Bianca, and tell her it kills the taste of sperm.
Propose a toast to the bride's nose job.
Steal the cards from the wedding gifts so no one can tell who they came from.
Walk up to various guests and demand to see their invitations.
After the bride throws her garter, start people chanting, "Throw your bra, throw your bra..."
Tell everyone that the groom had more...
A newlywed couple, after bringing their luggage into their cabin, stormed down to the desk. The bride was in tears, and the groom was red faced. When asked what the problem was, the groom started swearing at the desk clerk. "We booked a cabin with a view for our honeymoon, and all we get to see out the window is a parking lot!"
A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left open. She peeks inside and sees 3 golf balls and $1,000.
She confronts her husband and asks for an explanation. He explains "Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer." She figures 3 times in 30 years isn't bad and asks "But what about the $1,000?" He replied "Whenever I got a dozen golf balls, I sold them"
A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom's tuxedo. After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either three or four sizes smaller or larger than the groom's. Explain to the tux shop what you're up to. Pick up the groom's fitted coat, switch with the extra rented coat, and deliver to the groom only when it becomes time to actually get dressed. The friend of mine wore a 42 long, but the one I provided was a 38 short. Talk about some serious fun! Don't reveal that you know anything as long as possible.
A couple returned from their honeymoon and it's obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom's best man takes him aside and asks what is wrong.
"Well," replied the man "when we had finished making love on the first night, as I got up to go to the bathroom I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking."
"Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough - she can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!"
The groom nodded gently and said, "I don't know if I can get over this though. She gave me $20 change!"