Ground Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one." Me, too" said the second. "Let's fly down and find some lunch."
They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms. They ate and ate and ate and ate 'til they could eat no more.
"I'm so full I don't think I can fly back up to the tree," said the first one. "Me either. Let's just lay here and bask in the warm sun," said the second.
"O.K." said the first.
They plopped down, basking in the sun.
No sooner had they fallen asleep, a big fat tom cat snuck up and gobbled them up. As he sat washing his face after his meal, he thought...
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>..."I just love baskin' robins!"
A
woman was walking down the street when she was approached
by a man. The man said, "I must have you right
now! I'll drop $500 on the ground at your feet and in
the time it takes for you to pick it up I can have my
way with you from behind!"
The woman thought it over and told the man to wait
a minute. She called her girlfriend on her cell phone
and told her about the man's proposition. Her girlfriend
said "When he drops the $500 on the ground I'm
sure you can pick it up and run before he gets his
pants down. Call me back and tell me what happened."
An hour and a half later the lady called her girlfriend
back. "What happened?" the girlfriend asked.
The lady said "That jerk had $500 in quarters!"
A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting.
When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him:
"I am placed in the door and told when to jump.
My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go."
"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.
"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered.
But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked.
He quickly answered "Oh, that's the easy part. It's when the dog's leash goes slack."
A man from the city is out plowing his field and gets his tractor stuck in the wet ground. A farmer driving by stops his truck and walks to the fence to call over the city feller. You need a mule to plow such wet ground he says." Where can I buy one?" he is asked. Well, I just happened to have one for 100 dollars he says." I'll take him," says the other man as he counts out the money. I can't bring him over today. I don't work on Sunday morrow OK?" Sure." The next day the truck pulls up and the old farmer gets out. He says, "sorry, bad news." I went out after breakfeast and the mule was dead. The city feller says just give me my money back then." Can't, spent it already!""Well... unload the mule then." "What ya gonna do with him?" "Raffle him off!""Naw, ya cant raffle off a dead mule!""Just watch me us! City fellers know a few tricks." One month goes by and the city feller and farmer more...
A woman was walking down the street when she was approached by a man. The man said, "I must have you right now! I'll drop $500 on the ground at your feet and in the time it takes for you to pick it up I can have my way with you from behind!"
The woman thought it over and told the man to wait a minute. She called her girlfriend on her cell phone and told her about the man's proposition. Her girlfriend said "When he drops the $500 on the ground I'm sure you can pick it up and run before he gets his pants down. Call me back and tell me what happened."
An hour and a half later the lady called her girlfriend back. "What happened?" the girlfriend asked.
The lady said "That jerk had $500 in quarters!"
Murphy's Laws Of Combat Operations Friendly fire - isn't. Recoilless rifles - aren't. Suppressive fires - won't. You are not Superman Marines and fighter pilots take note. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid. Try to look unimportant the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you. If at first you don't succeed, call in an airstrike. If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself. Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush. The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they're ready + when you're not. No OPLAN ever survives initial contact. There is no such thing as a perfect plan. Five second fuzes always burn three seconds. There is more...