Guarding Jokes

St. Mark has been guarding the Pearly gates for a long time, and it's
well past time for St. Peter to relieve him, and St. Peter hasn't come
by, so finally Jesus takes pity on him and takes over. While He's there,
an old man comes up to the gates.
"Welcome to heaven" says Jesus, "tell me a bit about yourself."
"Well," says the old man, "when I was alive, I was a carpenter. I had a
son, and for a while he was a carpenter too, helping about the shop, but he
left home. Made quite a name for himself, for a while, but they killed him..."
Jesus stared searchingly at the old man.
"Father?" he asked.
The old man stared back. "Pinnochio?"

Two statues, male and female, have been guarding the door of an old church for
centuries keeping out evil spirits and such, so one day God decides to reward them.

He comes down and says, "Ok, since you have been so good, I am going to give you
a day off from guarding the church, spend it however you wish."
A few minutes later, God sees the statues dissapear behind a bush. The bush
commences rattiling and shaking like no ones business.
Twelve hours later, they emerge. "Hey, God says "You've still got twelve
hours left, go have fun!"
So the female statue turns to the male statue and says, "Ok, this time you
hold the pigeon and I'll crap on it."