Guitar Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How do you make him stop playing? A: Put notes on it! Q: What did the guitar say to the guitarist? A: Pick on someone your own size! Q: What's the definition of a minor second? A: Two lead guitarists playing in unison. Q: What do you call two guitarists playing in unison? A: Counterpoint. Q: How do you get a guitar player to play softer? A: Give him a sheet of music. Q: How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Twenty. One to change the bulb and nineteen to say, "Not bad, but I could've done better". Q: What does a guitarist say when he gets to his gig? A: Would you like fries with that? Q: What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond? A: Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money! Q: What is the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish? A: You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish.

What does it mean when a guitar player is drooling out both sides of his mouth? The stage is level.

The American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican
village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.
Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna.
The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and
asked how long it took to catch them.
The Mexican replied only a little while.
The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more
fish?
The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.
The American then asked, but what do you do with the rest of your time?
The Mexican fisherman said, I sleep late, fish a little, play with my
children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each
evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full
and busy life, senor.
The American scoffed, I am a Harvard MBA and could help you.
You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a more...

How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb? Twelve. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it better.

How do you get a guitar player to play softer? Give him some sheet music.

How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb? None--they just steal somebody else's light.

Q. What's the difference between a guitar player and a Savings Bond?
A. The Savings Bond will eventually mature and make money.