Gun Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy leaves his place at the bar to go have a piss. He comes back about10 Minutes later, sits down at the bar, muttering & swearing very softly. The barkeep approaches the customer and asks what the problem is."Oh some son-uv-a-bitch snuck up behind me while I was at the urinal andput a gun to my head"."Jesus Christ! What happened?""He told me to give him a blow job or he'd blow my brains out!""Yeah, then what?""Well you didn't hear a gun shot, did you?"
Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist.... Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshield of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made to borrow the gun. But when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatter proof shield, smashed into smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.
Horrified, the British sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the U. S. scientists for suggestions. NASA's more...
Shooting Cans
A guy walks into a gun shop to buy a gun.
"Can I help you sir?, asked the shopkeeper".
Ah, yes... I want to buy a. 44 Magnum please.
The shopkeeper informs the man that the. 44 is a very powerful gun, and asks the customer what he's going to use it for.
The man replies, "I want to shoot cans!"
What? Cans! You don't need a. 44 to shoot cans sir, a much smaller gun would do, advised the shopkeeper.
The customer has enough and finally says, "Shut up and give me the dang. 44 Mag... I want to shoot AmeriCans, MexiCans, and AfriCans!
A blonde hurried into the hospital emergency room late one night with the
tip of her index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?," the emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor? "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off
the tip of your finger?"
"No, silly!" the blonde said. "First, I put the gun to my chest, and I
thought,' I just paid $6, 000 for these; I'm not shooting myself in the
chest."
"So then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought,' I just paid $3, 000 to get
my teeth straightened; I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
"So, then?"
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought' This is going to make a loud
noise, so I put my finger in the other ear before I more...
A young guy is speeding across a bridge in his fancy sports car.
Sure enough, a cop with a radar gun is sitting on the other side
of the bridge. The cop pulls him over, then walks up to the
guy's car and asks, "What's the hurry?"
The guy replies, "I'm late for work, officer." "What do you do?"
"Well, I'm a rectumstretcher." "What? A rectum stretcher?"
The guy explains, "Yeah. I start with a finger, then work my way up to two fingers... eventually I get a hand in, then both hands, and I slowly stretch it until it's about six feet wide."
The curious cop asks, "What do you do with a six-foot asshole?"
The guy answers, "Well, you give him a radar gun and park him at the end of a bridge."
Once, Isaac Newton came to India and happened to watch a few Tamil movies. The poor man ended up being terribly confused about the validity of the various laws of physics that he had discovered.
Here are a few scenes from the movies that he watched.
1)Rajanikanth has a brain tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long live Rajanikanth!!!
2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters. Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.
3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth more...
A man walked into a bank, got in line and when it was his turn he pulled out a gun and robs the bank. But just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me Rob this Bank?" The customer replies, "Well, yes!" The bank robber raises his gun, points it at his head and shoots him. He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, "DID. .. YOU. .. SEE. .. ME. .. ROB... THIS... BANK?" The man calmly responds, "No, but my wife did."