Half Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q. The Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A. Liquid
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it
will become?
A. It will get Wet or Sink as simple as that.
Q. What looks like half of an apple?
A. The other half.
Q. What happened when the wheel was invented?
A. It caused a revolution.
Signs Your Partner Needs A Vacation
9. Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren.
8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he'd look good in a collar.
7. He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd", and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot.
6. He talk to himself. Half of him is the "good cop", and the other half is the "bad cop".
5. He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat.
4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers.
3. The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his relationship troubles.
2. He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel.
1. He keeps handcuffing himself by accident!!
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. How old are you?.... "I'm four and a half". ... You're never 36 and a half. ... you're four and a half going on five! That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? "I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16. And then the greatest day of your life happens. ... you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. ... you BECOME 21. .. YES!!! But then you turn 30. ... ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. ... He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There's no fun now. What's wrong?? What changed?? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. .... stay over there, it's all slipping away. ....... You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50. .... and your dreams are more...
People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation ( the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days. Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet! Over the years you may have noticed that most two years olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult you doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good luck!!! DAY ONE---- Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes. Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handfull of potato chips, and a glass of milk ( 3 sips only, then spill the rest) Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips more...
A man saw his friend limping badly as he came towards him. "Yaar, how did you come by this injury to your leg?"
"I did not have enough to drink," replied the other.
"That does not make any sense! How can you hurt yourself by not having enough to drink?"
"Very simple," replied his friend, "if I had been really and fully drunk, I would have fallen down at the theyka. As I was half drunk, I tried to walk home, fell into a ditch and sprained my foot."
Sure fire signs that your cow has mad-cow disease... Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne. She refuses to let you milk her, saying "Not on the first date." Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of its ears. Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder. Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow's body. Your cow demands to be branded with the' Golden Archs Logo'. Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred. Your cow insists evaporated milk comes from thirsty cows. Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King. She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia. Your cow joins the Hell's Angels because, hey, it already has a cool leather jacket. Your cow starts smoking its grass rather than eating it. Your cow spends half the day sitting in the Lotus Position chanting "MOO" backwards. Your cow insists that it can give you chocolate milk if you started feeding it Hershey bars. Your more...