Hall Jokes / Recent Jokes

Find two straws, preferably with wide tubes. Insert into your nostrils. Inhale your food.
Don't go to the dining hall. Live there and never leave. When people come in, harass for news of the outside world and tell them how the dining hall needs new ketchup.
Before eating, say grace. Punctuate by slamming your face into your food.
After obtaining your food, proceed to throw it out the nearest window. Turn to the person nearest to you and say, "Wow! Did you ever see [name of dish] fly like that before?"
Hide behind the milk dispenser. Moo every time someone gets milk.
Go up to the server and ask to see the chef. After he/she is introduced, request an off-the-menu meal consisting of lightly blackened escargot, a simmering seafood bisque, a delicately roasted rack of lamb in a basil cream sauce, and a tart but not sweet dessert of his/her own concoction. When he or she refuses, punch' em and proceed to make this meal yourself.
After finishing your more...

Leonid Brezhnev, a former ruler of Russia, was thought not to be too bright. He comes to address a big Communist party meeting, and starts:
"Dear Comrade Imperialists,"
The whole hall perked up - "what did he say?" Brezhnev tried again...
"Dear Comrade Imperialists,"
Well, by now the hall was in pandemonium - was he trying to call them Imperialists? Then, an advisor walked over to the podium and pointed to the speech for Brezhnev. "Oh..." he muttered, and started again:
"Dear Comrades, Imperialists are everywhere."

Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?""Yes, well, Im having trouble with WordPerfect.""What sort of trouble?""Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.""Went away?""They disappeared.""Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?""Nothing.""Nothing?""Its blank; it wont accept anything when I type.""Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?""How do I tell?""Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?""Whats a sea-prompt?""Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?""There isnt any cursor, I told you, it wont accept anything I type.""Does your monitor have a power indicator?""Whats a monitor?""Its the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when its on?""I dont know.""Well then, more...

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next day's meeting, he called down to "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him, "but down the hall is a special machine that should serve your purposes." Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted fifty cents, and stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his head in the mirror, which reflected the best haircut he ever received in his life. Down the hall was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures 25 cents." "Why not?" thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and pulled them out perfectly manicured. The next machine had a huge sign that read, "This Machine Provides What Men Need Most When Away from Their Wives - cost 50 cents." The salesman was more...

In his autobiography, Treasure in Clay, Bishop Fulton Sheen tells of getting lost in Philadelphia on his way to a lecture at the Town Hall, "I stopped to ask a few boys for directions. They told me where the Town Hall was and then asked, "What are you going to do there?'
'I'm giving a lecture on heaven and how to get there. Would you like to come and find out?'
'You're kidding, one boy said.' You don't even know the way to the Town Hall."

Bob lived in an apartment building and had to walk down the hall every morning to get his mail. One morning while getting his mail, his new (drop dead gorgeous) neighbor slinked out of her apartment towards him and as she leaned over to get her mail her robe opened a bit. Bob could hardly believe it, she wasn't wearing a thing under her robe. The woman leaned closer to Bob and said good morning. This time her robe opened up completely. She purred to Bob that she hadn't had a man in years. He could hardly keep eye contact when she said she heard someone coming and that they should go back to her apartment. They went inside and she let the robe fall to the floor. What do you think my best feature is? Bob stuttered and drooled a bit and finally said' Your ears.'' What do you mean my ears, look at me. I have round perfect breasts, a nice tight ass and legs to die for what on earth made you say EARS!'' Well,' said Bob' In the hall you said you heard someone coming, that was me!'

These are supposedly actual signs that have been found in and around parts of England. Sign in a Laundromat AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT Sign in a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN Outside a farm: HORSE MANURE PER PRE-PACKED BAG DO-IT-YOURSELF In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD On a church door: THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR.(THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.) Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales: THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.