Halloween Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Perfect Halloween Costume
A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.
A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his more...
Political correctness is taking its toll on Halloween. Consider some old Halloween activities, for example:
WITCH BURNING
Just singe one around the edges today and the ERA types will be on you like stink on a skunk! What 30 centuries of white male authors used to call witches, are today respected as complexion-impaired, wardrobe-challenged wome... uh, womyn.
WINDOW WAXING
These days you'll only set off the light, noise, motion, and aroma sensitive burglar alarm, and quickly exit in cuffs and revolving lights - if you're lucky enough not to leave prime filet of leg with the neighborhood rottweiler.
TRICK-OR-TREATING
This obviously would be prosecuted as a violation of federal RICO [racketeering] statutes, except that most of the perpetrators are juveniles, and thus have the civil right to thumb their noses at the law and be back on the street before the candy runs out.
And then there are the treats themselves:
Candy should be dispensed only with more...
A Halloween joke
Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties?
Because there is lots of school spirit!
A demon joke
What do foreign devils speak?
Devil Dutch!
A ghost joke
What kind of ghosts haunt operating theatres?
Surgical spirits!
A skeleton joke
What happened when the skeletons rode pogo sticks?
They had a rattling good time!
A skeleton joke
What do you call a skeleton who presses the door bell?
A dead ringer!
A werewolf joke
What happened when the wolf fell in the washing machine?
He became a wash and werewolf!
A witch joke
What does a witch get if she is a poor traveller?
Broom sick!
A werewolf joke
Why did the parents call their child “Camera”?
Because they were always snapping!
A skeleton joke
Why do skeletons hate winter?
Because the wind just goes straight through them!
A vampire joke
What do vampires play poker for?
High stakes!
A Halloween joke
Another boy went to a Halloween party with a sheet on his head. “Are you an unmade bed?
” asked his friends “No, I’m an undercover agent!
” A ghost joke
What kind of ghost has the best hearing?
The eeriest!
A demon joke
What is the demons’ favourite TV sitcom?
Fiends!
A cannibal joke
What was the cannibal called who ate his father’s sister?
An aunt-eater!
What do witches eat at Halloween? Spook-etti, Halloweenies, Devil's food cake and Boo-berry pie.
Why did the wizard wear a yellow robe to the Halloween party? He was going as a banana.