Handle Jokes / Recent Jokes

Application to Live in KentuckyName:__________________________ Nickname:_________________________________CB Handle Model:_____________________ Color:______________Address (RFD No.):_________________-_____________________________________Daddy (If unknown, list 3 suspects):______________________________________Mamma:_________________________Neck Shade: _____Light Red _____Medium Red _____Dark RedNumber of teeth exposed in full grin: Upper_____ Lower_____Name of Pickup owned:_______________ Height of Truck__________Truck equipped with:____Gun Rack ____4-Wheel Drive ____Confederate Flag____8-Track Cassettes ____Load of Wood ____Hijacker Shocks____Radar Detector ____Mag Wheels ____Dual CB Antennas____Spittoon ____Camper Top ____Air Horns____Mud Flaps ____Toothpick Holder ____Mud-Grip Tires____Raccoon Hide ____Big Dog ____Hunting RifleNumber of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of pickup truck:_____BUMPER STICKERS:____Eat more Possum ____My other car is a piece of shit too____Honk if more...

"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"

"I ought to be able to. I've had ten different jobs in four months."

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says she wants to open a savings account. The accounts person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and the little old lady says, "Three million dollars." The accounts person is startled, and says, "In what form?" and the little old lady says, "Cash. I've got it here in this bag..." and the accounts person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag just chock full of green stuff with big denominations. This is a highly unusual event, and the accounts person excuses herself to get the president of the bank to handle this one. He arrives, and escorts the little old lady to his office to handle it personally. Once in his office, he asks the little old lady where she got so much money. She says, "Gambling." "Gambling?", he says. "What sort of gambling?" "Oh, I make bets with people on all sorts of things, and I usually win. For more...

The Smiths were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestorshad come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senatorsand Wall Street wizards. They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for theirchildren and grandchildren. They hired a fine author. Only oneproblem arose -- how to handle that great-uncle George, who wasexecuted in the electric chair. The author said he could handle the story tactfully. The book appeared. It said, "Great-uncle George occupied a chair ofapplied electronics at an important government institution, wasattached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his deathcame as a great shock."

Q: How many US Presidents does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, the constitution says that only Congress can screw in light bulbs, so only Congress is responsible for the dark, which is why we need a Constitutional ammendment. A: Only one. If he can handle 250000000 people a day I think he can handle screwing one extra lightbulb.

One morning Bobby's mother was cleaning his room, and she found an S & M magazine under the bed. She was beside herself worrying, trying to think of how to handle the situation.
Finally her husband came home from work, and he asked her how her day was. The mother told him about the magazine. Shaking, she asked him how they were going to handle this situation.
Her husband sat there for awhile, sighed, and said, "Well, I guess spanking him is out of the question."

There once was a happy little fly buzzing around a barn one day when she happened upon a large pile of fresh cow manure. Since it had been hours since her last meal and she was feeling hunger pangs, she flew down to the irresistible delicacy and began to munch out.

She ate.....

and ate.....

and then.....

she ate some more!!!

Finally, she decided she'd had plenty. She washed her face with her tiny front legs, belched a few times, then attempted to fly away. But alas....she had pigged out far too much and could not get off the ground. She looked around wondering what to do about this unpleasant situation when she spotted a pitchfork leaning upright against the barn wall. She'd found a solution!! She realized if she could just become airborne she'd be able to fly again. So, she, painstakingly, climbed to the top of the handle. Once there, she took a deep breath, spread her tiny fly wings, and leaped confidently into the air. She more...