Drummer Jokes

Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes? So you don't have to retrain the drummers.

Q: Why do drummers have a half ounce more brains than horses? A: So they don't disgrace themselves at the parade.Q: How do you know if there is a percussionist at the door? A: The knocking gets slower.Q: How can you tell when there is a drummer at your front door? A: The knocking gets faster.Q: How do you know when a drum solo's really bad? A: The bass player notices.Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in.Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A: A drummer.Q: What do you call a drummer who has just broken up with his girlfriend? A: Homeless.Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test? A: Drool.If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum.

Heard backstage: "Will the musicians and the drummer please come to the stage!"

Q: What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: What does a drummer say when he gets to his paying gig?
A: "Do you want fries with that?"
Q: What do you say to a drummer in a 3-piece suit?
A: "Will the defendant please rise..."
Q: What do you call a drummer who breaks up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
Q: Why do drummers have a half-ounce more brains than horses?
A: So they don't disgrace themselves in the parade.
Q: How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
A: You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground.
Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once.
Q: Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?
A: he had to break the window to get the drummer out!
Q: Why do drummers leave their drumsticks on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in the more...

In New York City, an out of work jazz drummer named Ed was thinking of throwing himself off a bridge. But then he ran into a former booking agent who told him about the fantastic opportunities for drummers in Iraq. The agent said "If you can find your way over there, just take my card and look up the bandleader named Faisal--he's the large guy with the beard wearing gold pajamas and shoes that curl up at the toes." Ed hit up everyone he knew and borrowed enough to buy transport to Iraq. It took several days to arrange for passport, visas, transportation into Iraq and the shipping of his equipment, but he was finally on his way. Ed arrived in Baghdad and immediately started searching for Faisal. He found guys in pajamas of every color but gold. Finally, in a small coffeehouse, he saw a huge man with a beard--wearing gold pajamas and shoes that curled up at the toes! Ed approached him and asked if he was Faisal. He was. Ed gave him the agent's card and Faisal's face brightened more...