Knocking Jokes

Knock-Knock
Why are you knocking? I've got a doorbell.

Q: Why do drummers have a half ounce more brains than horses? A: So they don't disgrace themselves at the parade.Q: How do you know if there is a percussionist at the door? A: The knocking gets slower.Q: How can you tell when there is a drummer at your front door? A: The knocking gets faster.Q: How do you know when a drum solo's really bad? A: The bass player notices.Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in.Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A: A drummer.Q: What do you call a drummer who has just broken up with his girlfriend? A: Homeless.Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test? A: Drool.If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum.

Compiled by Harold Reynolds and updated on December 6, 1994

1. Introduction

The following is a manual of guidelines for the busy cat(s) who will have a house to manage after adopting one or more humans. It is, of course, impossible to cover all possible situations, as those humans are always up to some sort of mischief, but the compiler and contributors to this guide have endeavoured to cover as wide a variety of topics as possible. It is important that this document be kept out of the hands of humans, who will undoubtedly find a way to use it to their advantage.

2. Food

In order to get the energy to sleep, play, and hamper, a cat must eat. Eating, however, is only half the fun. The other half is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain food: convincing a human you are starving to death and must be fed now; and hunting for it oneself. The following are some guidelines for getting fed.

a) When the humans are eating, make sure more...

A guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up, and no one is there. He looks all around and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat. He picks it up and throws it across the street into a field.
Ten years later, he hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up and no one is there. He looks all around, and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat.
The snail says,' What the heck was that all about?'

A man is sitting in a bar far from home when Bill Clinton comes on TV. The man looks at the TV and says, "Clinton is a horse's ass."
Out of nowhere, a local jumps up and punches him in the face, knocking the first guy off his barstool, then stomps out.
He gets back up, rubbing his cheek and orders another beer. Shortly after, Hillary Clinton appears on the TV. He looks at the TV and says, "She is a horse's ass too!"
Out of nowhere, another local punches him in the other side of the face, knocking him off his barstool again.
He gets back up and looks at the bartender, "I take it this is Clinton country?"
"Nope." replies the bartender. "Horse country."