Handsome Jokes / Recent Jokes

Grandmother and granddaughter were in the bank when three bank robbers walked in and held it up." All the ladies down on the floor," one handsome robber commanded." My grandmother too?" the little girl asked. "Yes, your grandmother too!""All the ladies on the floor, pull up your dresses." "My grandmother too?" "Yes, your grandmother too! All ladies will now remove their panties." "Surely you don't mean my grandmother too?" asked the little girl. Becoming angry, the handsome robber shouted, "YES, YOUR GRANDMOTHER TOO! Now, all the ladies on the floor are to spread their legs apart." When the little girl started to ask if her grandmother was included, her grandmother snarled, "YOU HEARD WHAT THE MAN SAID!"

People have asked for an explanation of Marketing.
Perhaps the following analogies will help clear it up:

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
-- That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed."
-- That's Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him, and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
-- That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
-- That's Public Relations.

You're at more...

The nice men are ugly.
The handsome men are not nice.
The handsome and nice men are gay.
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have
no money.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with
money think we are only after their money.
The handsome men without money are after our money.
The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat
heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.
The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual,
somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and
have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy
and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!
The men who never make the first move, automatically lose
interest in us when we take the initiative.
And yet, WOMEN are the CONFUSING sex?

(Hear are some real answers/comments given by kids about love)
1) HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT
ARE IN LOVE?
"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can
tell if he's in love." - Bobby, age 9
"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food
will get cold... Other people care more about the food."
- Bart, age 9
"Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are
just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or
they just broke up." - Sarah, age 9
"See if the man has lipstick on his face." - Sandra, age 7
"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on
fire. They like to order those because it's just like how
their hearts are --- on fire." - Christine, age 9
2) TITLES OF THE LOVE BALLADS YOU CAN SING TO YOUR BELOVED
"'How Do I Love Thee When You're Always Picking Your more...

NOW DEAR beloved Santa Claus,
please listen to my prayer.
If near my home on Christmas Eve,
leave just one present there.
It isn’t for myself I ask,
but only for another;
Please leave a handsome son-in-law
. for Daddy and for Mother.

An old woman saved a Fairy’s life. To repay this, the Fairy promised to grant the old woman three wishes.
For the first wish, the old lady asked to become young and beautiful. Poof! She became young and beautiful.
For the second wish, the old lady asked to be richest woman in the world. “Poof! She was the richest woman in the world.
For the last wish, she pointed at the cat she had kept for years. She asked that he be turned into the most handsome man on earth. After all, he had been her best friend for so many years. Poof! The Fairy turned the cat into the most handsome man on earth.
The old lady and the Fairy said their goodbyes.
After the Fairy left, the handsome man (old cat) strolled over to her and asked, “Now aren’t you sorry you had me neutered?!!! ”

MEN

Murphy's Laws About Men:
1. The nice men are ugly.
2. The handsome men are not nice.
3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are
married.
5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice
men, have no money.
6. The men who are not so handsome but are nice men
with money think we are only after their money.
7. The handsome men without money are after our
money.
8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and
somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful
enough.
9. The men who think we are beautiful, who are
heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are
cowards.
10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice
and have some money and thank God are heterosexual,
are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!
11. The men who never make the first move,
automatically lose interest in us when we take more...