Hang Jokes / Recent Jokes
There were three women who always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, of course, the laundry always gets wet - all the laundry, except for Sophie's. The other two women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it rains.
So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Sophie,' How come when it rains, your laundry is never out?'
'Well,' says Sophie,' when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Paul. If his penis is hanging over his right leg, I know it's going to be a great day and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his left leg, I know it's going to rain, so I don't hang out the wash.'
'What if it is pointed up?' asks one of the women.
'Honey,' says Sophie,' on a day like that, you don't do the laundry!'
WOMEN S LANGUAGE TRANSLATEDYes = NoNo = YesMaybe = NoI m sorry. = You ll be sorry.We need... = I wantIt s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. Do what you want... = You ll pay for this later. We need to talk... = I need to complain Sure...go ahead = I don t want you to.I m not upset = Of course I m upset, you moron! You re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot. You re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs. This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house. I want new curtains =...and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper... Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep. Do you love me? = I m going to ask for something expensive. How much do you love me? = I did something today you re really not going to like.I ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.Am I fat? = Tell me I m more...
There was this blonde and she had just found out that her boyfriend had been cheating on her with her best friend and the rest of her school day wasnt going to well either so she says to her self "ugh my boyfriend just broke up with me, everything is going bad in my life and i have no reason to live i want to hang myself" so she goes home and finds a rope and she hangs herself from the porch well some guy walks by and sees her hanging off the porch by a rope and he asks her "what the hell are u doing?" and she tells him "ugh my boyfriend just broke up with me, everything is going bad in my life and i have no reason to live so im hanging my self" well he asks "why are u hanging from your waist arent u suppose to hang yourself from your throat" and the blonde says " i tried that but i couldnt breathe!"
"It seemed like a great idea, except that we forgot that Grandma and Grandpa would be there... "
As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true, because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor panty hose hung sadly empty and grew increasingly threadbare.
One year, I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and a fake beard and went in search of an inflatable love doll. Of course, they don't sell those things at Wal-mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.
If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there almost three hours saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who owns that?" "Do you have their phone more...
If IBM ran Christmas...
They would want one big Santa, dressed in blue, where kids queue up for
their present-processing. Receiving presents would take about 24-36
hours of mainframe processing time.
If Microsoft ran Christmas...
Each time you bought an ornament, you would have to buy a tree as well.
You wouldn't have to take the tree, but you still have to pay for it
anyway. Ornament/95 would weigh 1500 pounds (requiring a reinforced
steel countertop tree), draw enough electricity to power a small city,
take up 95% of the space in your living room, would claim to be the
first ornament that uses the colors red/green together. It would
interrogate your other decorations to find out who made them. Most
everyone would hate Microsoft ornaments, but nonetheless would buy them
since most of the other tree types wouldn't work with their hooks.
If Apple ran Christmas...
It would do everything the Microsoft ornaments more...
Yo momma's so poor, she has to hang toilet paper out to dry.
Yo momma's so poor, when I stepped on a lit match in her house, she yelled "Who turned off the furnace"!
Yo momma's so poor, she can't get rid of the roaches in her house' cause they pay half the rent!