Hang Jokes / Recent Jokes

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
Use CB lingo where applicable.
Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
Answer their questions with questions.
In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST, FREE-SPIRITED, COST-EFFICIENT, UKRAINIAN, PUCE.
Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.
Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them more...

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
Use CB lingo where applicable.
Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
Answer their questions with questions.
In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED COST-EFFICIENT UKRAINIAN PUCE.
Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.
Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them more...

The Scene: The Girl is a 23 year old investment banker working in New York. The Boy is doing his residency in Boston and was given her number by his mother, who is a friend of the Girl's aunt's brother-in-law's cousin's uncle's wife in Chicago.

Monday night, 10 pm

Girl: Hello?

Boy: (Shit, she's home!) Umm, hi! Is this ---?

Girl: Speaking.

Boy: My name is ---. I don't know if you know who I am- (God, what if she doesn't know who I am? I'll sound like a complete idiot.) Hell, I already sound like a complete idiot. I don't even know why I'm doing this!)

Girl: Oh, you live in Boston, right?

Boy: Yeah. (Ok, she was told about me, that's a fucking relief. I wonder what she was told - "He's a resident, tall, and fair, and he graduated from Ivy League school!" God, she probably hates me already!)

Girl: Yeah, my mother mentioned you had my number. (I can't believe he actually more...

Yo momma so short she can hang glides Doritos.

We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron.
You're... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I'm on my period.
Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient. = I want a new house.
I want new curtains... = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
I need wedding shoes. = The other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
Hang the picture there. = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise. = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really more...

On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday cash I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my wallet is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting upset with me. ME: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go."IT: "Is that it?"ME: "Yep."IT: "That'll be $1. 04, eat here?"ME: "No, it's *to* *go*." [I hate effort duplication.]At his point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and saysIT: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them. IT: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"MG: "No. A what?"IT: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."MG: "Ask for something else, THERE'S NO SUCH more...

Women's English
YesNo
NoYes
MaybeNo
I'm sorry.You'll be sorry.
We needI want
It's your decisionThe correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you wantYou'll pay for this later
We need to talkI need to complain
Sure... go aheadI don't want you to
I'm not upsetOf course I'm upset, you moron!
You're... so manlyYou need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonightIs sex all you ever think about?
Be romanticturn out the lights I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenientI want a new house
I want new curtainsand carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper and...
Hang the picture thereNO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noiseI noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? I did something today you're really not going to like
I'll be ready in a minuteKick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
Is my butt fat? more...