Happen Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was in a bar savoring a martini when an attractive woman sat down beside him. The bartender served her a glass of juice and the man turned to her and said, "Today is a very special day and I'm celebrating."
"I happen to be celebrating today too," she replied, as they clinked glasses.
"What are you celebrating?" he asked.
"I've been trying to have a child for years," she said, "and today my gynecologist told me that I am finally pregnant!"
"Congratulations," the man said. "It so happens that I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile. But today they are finally fertile."
"That's wonderful news," said the woman. "How did it happen?"
"I switched cocks," he said.
"What a coincidence!" she replied, grinning.

This is what should happen to ALL CATS..! HOW TO WASH THE CAT1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both lids up. 3. Find the cat and soothe him while you carry him toward the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. (You may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape.) The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his claws will be reaching out for anything they can find. 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a Power "Wash" and "Rinse", which I have found to be quite effective. 6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door. 7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. 8. The now-clean more...

Does anyone know what would happen if the earth rotated 30 times faster thanit does today ?? We would get our paycheck everyday, and all women would bleed to death...

I used to be smug about the Y2K problem even though it was definitely a problem with 100% probability of occurrence. But then I got to thinking about chaos theory and what really causes big problems and disasters. It's the little unexpected things. For example, a barge strikes a bridge causing a train to fall into the water. Who would have predicted that?
So, here's what you really need to watch out for in 1999:
El Kabong. We all know about the problems caused by El Nino and La Nina. No one expects them both to occur simultaneously! They say it's impossible. Ergo, what do you suppose will happen? Both El Nino and La Nina at the same time. I call it El Kabong! It turns out to be the greatest natural disaster in modern time - but wait, there is finally some good news...
Due to the change to the Euro-dollar, a software glitch introduced by a Y2K date fix prevents a stock market meltdown. Investors would have been saved billions when what was just a 1-day panic was suddenly more...

Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment. Other people’s tools work only in other people’s gardens. Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails. Our present business is not to exchange compliments but arguments. - Robert Boyle, 17th century chemist People can be divided into three groups: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened. People do not change, they only become more so. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. People specialize in their area of greatest weakness. People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves. People who are resistant to change cannot resist change for the worse.

Accidents do happen.

i slip- i trip- i stumble- i fall & usually i dont care at all. but now i dont know what to do cos i slipped and fell in love with u

As the Obama administration quickly morphs into Clinton II, Hillary Clinton is a frontrunner for the Secretary of State slot, with Bill offering to undergo an ethical review of his foundation to help make it happen.
The Secretary of State, of course, is fourth in line to assume the presidency should anything happen to the chief executive. With the Clintons' old cabinet already re-installed, Barack Obama and Joe Biden should watch their backs and never be in the same place at the same time. Or they'll go the way of Vince Foster, Ron Brown and Buddy the dog.