Happen Jokes / Recent Jokes
Jon and Adam are in a mental institution. This place has an annual contest, where they pick two of the best patients and give them two questions. If they get them correct, they are deemed cured and are free to go.
Jon is called into the doctor's office first and asked if he understands that he would be free if he answers the questions correctly. The doctor says, "Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?"
Jon answers, "I'd be half blind, doc."
"That's correct. What if I poked out both of your eyes?"
"I'd be completely blind." The doctor got up, shook his hand and told him he was free.
On Jon's way out, while the doctor is filling out the paperwork, Jon mentions the exam to Adam. He tells him what questions are going to be asked, and also the answers. Adam is called in. The doctor goes through the formalities and asks, "What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?"
Adam, remembering what Jon more...
TRAFFIC LIGHT -- Apparatus that automatically turns red when your car
approaches.
DIVORCE -- Postgraduate in School of Love.
PIONEER -- Early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods.
PEOPLE -- Some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what's happened.
SWIMMING POOL -- A mob of people with water in it.
SELF-CONTROL -- The ability to eat only one peanut.
SALESMAN -- Man with ability to convince wife she'd look fat in mink.
CANNIBAL -- Person who likes to see other people stewed.
EGOCENTRIC -- A person who believes he is everything you know you are.
FOREIGN FILM -- Any movie shown in a Texas theater that isn't a western.
OPTIMIST -- Girl who regards a bulge as a curve.
MAGAZINE -- Bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue.
COLLEGE: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to thetelephone.
EMERGENCY NUMBERS: more...
Jon and Dan were in a mental institution. This place had an annual contest, picking two of the best patients and giving them two questions. If they answered correctly, they were deemed cured and free to go. Jon was called into the doctor's office first and asked if he understood that he'd be free if he answered the questions correctly. The doctor said, "Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?" Jon said, "I'd be half blind." "That's correct. What would happen if I poked out both your eyes?" "I'd be completely blind." The doctor stood up, shook his hand, and told him he was free. On Jon's way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Jon mentioned the questions to Dan. He told him what questions would be asked and the answers. Dan was called in. The doctor went through the formalities and asked, "What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?" Dan, remembering what Jon had said, said, "I'd be half blind." more...
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
Other people’s tools work only in other people’s gardens.
Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.
Our present Business is not to exchange compliments but arguments. - Robert Boyle, 17th century chemist
People can be divided into three groups: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened.
People do not change, they only become more so.
People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
People specialize in their area of greatest weakness.
People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
People who are resistant to change cannot resist change for the worse.
Man
A remarkable animal whose head swells when you pat his back.
Woman
Creature who acts nice to you because she doesn't like you, or mean, because she does.
People
Some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what's happened.
Optimist
Girl who regards a bulge as a curve.
Pessimist
Man who looks for a pink slip before the money in his pay envelope.
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
Other people`s tools work only in other people`s gardens.
Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.
Our present business is not to exchange compliments but arguments. - Robert Boyle, 17th century chemist
People can be divided into three groups: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened.
People do not change, they only become more so.
People don`t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
People specialize in their area of greatest weakness.
People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
People who are resistant to ch