Happen Jokes / Recent Jokes

What would happen if pigs went on strike? They'd form pigget lines.

What would happen if pigs could fly? Bacon would go up!

Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
That hooker I met at the AIDS clinic said you were a nice guy.
Hey, you must've been doin' about 125mph to keep up with me! Good job!
That uniform makes your ass look really big.
Excuse me. Is stick up hyphenated?
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.
You don't happen to have any beer in your car?
I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
Bad Cop! No Donut!
Your not gonna check the trunk, are you?
Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
Lets do it different this time... I will give you the breathalyzer test, now stick this in your mouth and blow
Did you happen to attend the Barney Fife Police Academy?
Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on Cops?
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend 's more...

After the tragedy in New York and Washington the question arises: WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF Manila IS ATTACKED? Well. .. if that happens, there can be no comparison. That's because in Manila, we are much better prepared for these kind of attacks. We do not have tall buildings. The only large structure that can be seen from above is the Marcos monument in Ilocos and terrorists are welcome to target that. We all get on the job late in the morning specially government employees, so at 8: 45 there won't be sufficient people to kill (well, not even at 10 am!). Fire fighters and police officers will do their utmost not to get to the spot in time. They will reach there just when everything is over, so there will be no casualties among them. The national airline would surely have fouled up the terrorists plans by being delayed again or crash before even getting to the target due to mechanical troubles. A Pinoy would not have used his cell phone to call home. He would've hit the terrorist with it more...

Did you ever stop to wonder what would happen if your dog's name was Mypenis?
- Mypenis ate my homework.
- Oh, no! Mypenis is frothing at the mouth!
- Sorry I'm late. I was playing with Mypenis.
- I'm sorry, Officer. I didn't realize I had to keep Mypenis on a leash.
- Mypenis doesn't come when I call it.
- Mypenis likes to crawl between the legs of guests.
- I love giving Mypenis a bath.
- At night, I sleep with Mypenis in my hands.
- Mypenis likes it when people pet him.
- Mypenis needs to get more exercise. He weighs over fifty pounds.
- Playing with Mypenis really wears me out.
- Would you like to see a picture of Mypenis?
- Sometimes I wake up, and Mypenis is already active.
- I think Mypenis has a mind of its own.
- I keep a picture of Mypenis in my wallet.
- Whenever I get lost, Mypenis points me in the right direction.
- I think Mypenis is getting old because he won't get excited anymore. He just plays more...

The lad was parked in a secluded lovers' lane with the sexy high school cheerleader. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "It's so dark I can't see my hand in front of my face."
"I happen to know," the girl sighed, "that neither of your hands is in front of your face."

SHIT HAPPENS in various world religions
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Taoism: Shit happens.
If you can shit, it isn't shit.
Shit happens, so flow with it.
Hare Krishna: Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding.
She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens,
she-it, she-it... (Repeat until you become one with she-it)
Please this flower and buy our shit.
Confucianism: Confucious say, "Shit happens".
Confucious says, "If shit has to happen, let it happen
PROPERLY."
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
If shit happens, it isn't really happening TO anyone.
Shit will happen again to you next time.
Only he who totally gives up the desire for shit will
have salvation.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
7th Day Adventism:
Shit happens on Saturdays.
Hinduism: I've seen this shit happening before.
This shit is not a religion, it is the way of more...