Happen Jokes / Recent Jokes

What would happen if two men and a woman are marooned on an island. If they are:
Spanish: One of the men will kill the other.
Italian: The woman will kill one of the men.
British: The men will fall for one another and ignore the woman.
French: No problem, menage a trois.
Swiss: Nothing will happen, the men will talk shop.

So I'm in the bookstore the other day, and I happen upon a woman openly nursing her baby. Now, I've never actually seen this happen before, but I'll tell you it was interesting. For his part, the baby didn't even look hungry; the woman just whipped it out and slapped'im on.
I'll tell you, it was fascinating and mundane all at once watching this woman engage in a perfectly normal, natural, human bodily function...
And yet when I peed on her, guess who got all mad and called security?
Women.

What is the worst thing that can happen to a bat while it sleeps? Diarrhoea!

Two Aliens land in Detroit, next to a Gas station. The Aliens waddle out of their ship and look around. The first thing they see that resembles a being is the Gas pump. The two Aliens approach. The first one says "Earthling take me to your leader!"He gets no response. The first Alien looks at his buddy then addresses the pump again. "Earthling, I said Take me to your leader!"Still no response. The first Alien then turns to the second and says, "If this Earthling doesn't show me some respect I'm going to blast him!"The second Alien replies "O. K. but, I'm just going to stand down on the next block." The first Alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other to waddle to the next block. He then addresses pump a third time." Earthling take me to your leader!"No response. The Alien then pulls out his ray-gun and shoots the pump. After the explosion the Alien gets up, dusts himself off then goes down the block to his buddy. He then more...

Chain Letter Type IIIHi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This isabsolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not asmany little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it works. Passthis on to 15, 067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible willhappen to you like: Queer Horror Story #1Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recentlyreceived this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in theside walk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood ofpoop, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!! Queer Horror Story #2Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, somepeople swing that way, especially at Oklahoma City University). They bothdied and went to hell. They continued to suffer in hell where they were more...

I used to know this barbar for a long time. I alwasy cut my hair very short, because those days I used to play ruggby football. One I met this guy from jaffna whoes studing with me at Colombo university. Poor chap hardly speaks Sinhalese. So he came to me and said, Machang I need a hair cut so please take me to the barbar shop. I said O. K Lets go and I took him to this barbar shop and introduced Him to the barber. At that time there were few customers and I told My Friend I will back Later.
Once I came Back He was there with No1 Hair cut. I asked what happen. He said" that stupid Guy thought I need a short haircut like yours. So I asked Why dont You asked him to Stop. He said Yes I told him but he didn't stop until he finished with my hair.
I was so upset.
I went to the barbar and asked him why he get such a hair cut.
Barbar told me, I thoght he also need No1 hair cut like yours and
he din't stop me. Then I asked my friend what happen. He Said "I more...

A bear walks in to the bar and asks the bartender serve me a drink the bartender says no.the bear ask why? the bartender says we dont serve to bears! the bear gets outraged and starts tearin down the bar and eats a woman and leaves. The next day the bear comes back and tells the bartender to serve him a drink or the samething will happen that happen yesterday and the bartender says I told you we dont serve to bears or drug addicts! the bear says drug addict im not a drug addict! the bartender says what about the BAR BITCH YOU ATE! KEEP IN MIND A BARBITCUATE IS A DRUG