Happen Jokes / Recent Jokes

James decided to take up sky diving as a hobby. On his first solo jump, he pulled the ripcord at the right time, but nothing happened. The parachute wouldn't open. He then pulled the emergency chute, but that appeared to be stuck too.
As he glanced down to see the ground rushing towards him, he noticed a man hurtling upward directly at him.
"Hey!" James shouted. "Would you happen to know anything about parachutes?"
"No!" the man yelled back. "Would you happen to know anything about gas stoves?"

Those who make things happen.
Those who watch things happen.
Those who wonder what happened.
Too many of us are spending money we haven't earned to buy things we don't need to impress people we don't like.

Bill Gates is the owner of Microsoft and GMC is a large car
company. Gates recently told GMC what would happen if Microsoft
produced GMC cars:
1. They would cost about $5. 00 each
2. You would be able to change the colors and the arrangement of
parts at any time.
3. It would give you directions and basically travel for you.
4. Free internet access
5. A Christmas card from Bill Gates every year.
GMC in return added what would happen:
1. Every 5 minutes it would freeze in the middle of the road.
2. Before starting the engine, speeding up, slowing down, etc.,
it would ask you if you're sure you want to do this
3. You would have to get a new car every two years because the
old one becomes outdated and can't function on the roads anymore.
4. The NT and MS-DOS cars would cost a little bit more, but
would run better and have free DSL.

If men had PMS, what would happen? a) The federal government would allocate funds to study it. b) Cramps would become an acceptable reason to apply for permanent disability. c) There would be a federal holiday every 28 days. d) All of the above.

In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave.

This year the two lucky gents were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got their files. The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for his questioning. When Patty came into the office he was instructed to sit in the seat across from the doctor.

"Patty you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine you know why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get them right, you will be free to go. Do you understand all that you have been told?" said the doctor with a rather sly grin.

Patty nodded and the doctor began to question him. The first question was this. "Patty if I was to poke out one of your eyes what would happen?"

"I would more...

Q. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
A. We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving.

there was three professors and one day they asked each other i wonder what will happen if we put a cork up a elephants but. So thay didi it and they wated three months to see what would happen. Then they asked each other who will pull it out. 1st professor not me 2nd professor not me 3rd professor not me so they got a monkey to do it. 5 minuts later the reporters came and asked the three professors what happend 1st professor poo fling every where 2nd professor poo flying ever where 3rd professor poor monkey trying to put cork up elephants bumb