Happen Jokes / Recent Jokes

In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave.
This year the two lucky gents were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got their files. The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for his questioning. When Patty came into the office he was instructed to sit in the seat across from the doctor.
"Patty you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine you know why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get them right, you will be free to go. Do you understand all that you have been told?" said the doctor with a rather sly grin.
Patty nodded and the doctor began to question him. The first question was this. "Patty if I was to poke out one of your eyes what would happen?"
"I would be half blind of more...

(This came from The Washington Spectator.)
Politics has long been the answer to the wit's prayer.
Examples:
"Politics -the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and
campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the
other." (Oscar Ameringer)
"Politics is the ability to foretell what is going to happen
tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the
ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen." (Winston
Churchill)
"Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be President, but they
don't want them to become politicians in the process." (John F.
Kennedy)
"Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing
between the disastrous and the unpalatable." (John Kenneth Galbraith)
"A statesman is a politician who's been dead 10 or 15 years." (Harry
S. Truman)
The quotes are excerpted from The Penguin more...

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's station-wagon and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farmhouse and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night. "I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Not to worry," Jack said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn."
Nine months later, Jack got a letter from the widow's attorney. He called up his friend Bob and said, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?"
"Yes, I do."
"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and have sex with her?"
"Yes, I have to admit that I did."
"Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turns red and he more...

In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it`s most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got their files. The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for her questioning. When Patty came into the office, she was instructed to sit in the seat across from the doctor. "Patty, you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine you know why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get them right, you will be free to go. Do you understand all that you have been told?" said the doctor with a rather sly grin. Patty nodded, and the doctor began to question her. The first question was this: "Patty, if I was to poke out one of your eyes, what would happen?" "I would be half blind of course," more...

This elderly lady, recently widowed, decides to see if a pet will ease her loneliness and goes to the pet store. She decides against puppies, kitties, etc., and is about to leave the store when she hears a voice saying, "My, do you look lovely this afternoon, madam."She turns around quickly to see who has spoken, but there is no one. All she sees is a big green parrot, resting on his perch in his cage. "Did you say that?" she asks."Why, yes, I did!" he replies. "And may I add that dress is a very nice color for you."The lady suddenly realizes how nice it would be to not only have a talking parrot, but one that paid such nice compliments. So she pays for him and takes him home. On the way, she says, "You know, I am so proud of you that I believe I'll take you out for dinner! Would you like that?"The parrot says, "Why yes, that would be delightful. I know a charming place on 7th Street."So they arrive home and the lady more...

If men had PMS/PMT, what would happen? a. The federal government would allocate funds to study it. b. Cramps would become an acceptable reason to apply for permanent disability. c. There would be a federal holiday every 28 days

Does anyone know what would happen if the earth rotated 30 times faster thanit does today? ? We would get our paycheck everyday, and all women would bleed to death...