Harold Jokes / Recent Jokes
I got this joke from a gentle soul from South Africa:
A couple of old ladies are sitting on the patio in a retirement home. Both are bored.
Mabel: Nothing happens here, all the men are half-dead and no fun!
Doris: I agree. Let's do something that will jerk them into action!
So Mabel agrees to streak down the corridor and attract the attention of the old men that are sitting there sunning themselves.
She does this and the following conversation insues between Harold and Humphrey...
Harold: Humphrey, old boy, was that Mabel that I saw running past...
Humphrey: Hmm, I think so. Couldn't say for sure.
Harold: My eyes aren't too good these days. What was she wearing?
Humphrey: Hmm, couldn't say for sure, but whatever it was it was in need of ironing!
Harold's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asked, "Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?" Looking over her carefully, Harold replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty your hair, eighteen and your figure, twenty five." "Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. "Hey, wait a minute!" Harold interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet."
Because her student's were getting bored with show and tell, the teacher decided to have the children come to the front of the class to tell of any unusual hobbies their parents had.
First was a girl, who said, "My mother has a collection of antique dolls."
"Very good," said the teacher. "And you, Harold?"
Harold said, "My father is the champion golfer at his country club."
"Very good, Freddy?"
Freddy announced that his mother's roses won a prize at the Garden Club.
Then the teacher called on Little Johnny. He stood, but didn't say a word until the teacher asked, "Don't your parents do anything you can tell us about?"
Little Johnny thought, and then said, "About all I know is that my father eats light bulbs."
"My word!" said the teacher, "Are you sure?"
Little Johnny nodded. "I was passing their bedroom the other night when I heard my father say,' more...
Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly.
The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For pity's sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?"