Hasn Jokes / Recent Jokes
A young priest has just left the seminary and been sent to his first parish to work alongside an old experienced priest Father Brown.
When he arrives the old priest welcomes him with open arms, explaining that he has been working alone and hasn't had a day off in years. He asks the new priest to take confesson so that he can have a break.
The young priest is very nervous as he hasn't done it for real before.
The old priest explains that it's easy as he has produced a tariff, and he gives him the list:
Telling lies - one Hail Mary;
Stealing - one Our Father;
etc;
etc.
So the young priest goes into the confessional and everything seems to be going okay.
"Father, I have told a lie," - one Hail Mary
"Father, I have stolen," - one Our Father
The next sinner is a bit of a problem:
"Father, I have performed oral sex."
He looks down the list and it's not included.
In panic he opens the door and is relieved more...
Obsessive cyberflirt, actually 47 years old and hasn't left her house in weeks but feels loved because she has 300 AOL'ers chasing her.
Odinist Mafiosi dominatrix gangster's moll, in Norway and bored because she hasn't shed any blood in THREE DAYS, let alone killed anyone.
Cyberspace Jaye Davidson, considers himself trapped in a man's body but won't admit it.
Illiterate bimbo, knows how to use the SHOUT command on MUDs and nothing else.
Smirking college student who thinks it's so fun to tease men, and does nothing but IRC on #hotsex because she's the star of the show. Uses the name of one of her sorority sisters so that the losers who track her down don't pester HER.
AOL hacker-wannabe. Will sleep with anyone who can tell her about Kevin Mitnick.
Bored grad student's AI routine "blonde.c"
Kibo.
Achmed Darsein, who is cleverly disguising himself as a woman in order to learn about the USA and blow up the World Trade Center again. Your first clue more...
1> Group: Anorexics Anonymous. You: Big chubby guy with an affinity for cheesecake.
2> Only half an hour into the meeting, and the keg's already dry.
3> Counselor greets you with, "Well, if it isn't Princess Pathetic!"
4> Their idea of 12 Steps involves two six-packs.
5> Instead of Mars & Venus, leader suggests you get in touch with Uranus.
6> You're host of the upcoming pool party for your Incontinent Beer-Drinkers Support Group.
7> They've voted to change their name to "Cathie Haters Anonymous."
8> Your Heart Attack Recovery Group counselor hasn't moved in three weeks and is starting to smell a little gamey.
9> Four months and the Nymphomania Group still hasn't recruited a female member.
10> Their 12-step program: "Put your right foot in, take your right foot out, put your right foot in, then you shake it all about..."
11> "Parents Without more...
A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in frontof the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture thatthe gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital.Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day. "Are you hurt?"she asks.She replies, "Of course I'm hurt! He hasn't called! He hasn't written!"
Has all her bricks, but no cement holding them together. Has an inferiority complex, but not a very good one. Has an IQ one lower than it takes to grunt. Has change for a seven dollar bill. Has FINO (first in never out) memory. Has his brain on cruise control again. Has his solar panels aimed at the moon. Has it floored in neutral. Has no discretionary intellect. Has no upper stage. Has nothing to say, but delights in saying it. Has only one chopstick in the chowmein. Has resonance where others have brains. Has signs on both ears saying "Space for Rent". Has so few thoughts that when he free associates, it's like watching tennis Has the attention span of an overripe grapefruit. Has the brains of a house plant. Has the Grand Canyon under the crew cut. Has the IQ of a salad bar / an ice cube / three below houseplant. Has the keen awareness of an ostrich in hiding. Has the mental agility of a soap dish. Has the personality of a snail on Valium. Has the same talent as Dr. more...
The fishing season hasn't opened and a fisherman who doesn't have a license, is casting for trout as a stranger approaches and asks "Any luck?" "Any luck? This is a wonderful spot. I took 10 out of this stream yesterday" he boasts. "Is that so? By the way, do you know who I am?" asks the stranger. "Nope." "Well, meet the new game warden." "Oh," gulped the fisherman. "Well, do you know who I am?" "Nope". "Meet the biggest liar in the state."