Hasn Jokes

1> Group: Anorexics Anonymous. You: Big chubby guy with an affinity for cheesecake.

2> Only half an hour into the meeting, and the keg's already dry.

3> Counselor greets you with, "Well, if it isn't Princess Pathetic!"

4> Their idea of 12 Steps involves two six-packs.

5> Instead of Mars & Venus, leader suggests you get in touch with Uranus.

6> You're host of the upcoming pool party for your Incontinent Beer-Drinkers Support Group.

7> They've voted to change their name to "Cathie Haters Anonymous."

8> Your Heart Attack Recovery Group counselor hasn't moved in three weeks and is starting to smell a little gamey.

9> Four months and the Nymphomania Group still hasn't recruited a female member.

10> Their 12-step program: "Put your right foot in, take your right foot out, put your right foot in, then you shake it all about..."

11> "Parents Without more...

An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had spent 25 years of his life sentence in prison. While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed on the other side of the room. He got on the bed and it appeared to the husband that he may have been kissing her neck.
Suddenly he got up and left the room. As soon as he had a chance, the husband made his way across the room with the chair in tow, and turned to his pretty young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown.
He whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing on your neck and then he left in a hurry. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives depend on it!"
"Dear", the wife hissed, spitting more...

The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

If something hasn't broken on your helicopter--it's about to.

Two mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My son is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years." The other woman said, "Well, my son is a saint himself. Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time." "My word," the first mother said. "You must be so proud."I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him a big party."