Hat Jokes / Recent Jokes

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."

Q: What did the hat say to the necktie? A: You go AHEAD I'll HANG AROUND!

Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Mexico City. One is holding a Cross and one a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money in the hat held by the man with the cross. Soon the hat of the man with the cross is filled and the hat of the man with the Star of David is empty.

A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the man with the Star of David and says:' Young man. Don't you realize that this is a Catholic country? You'll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David.'

The man with the Star of David turns to the man with the cross and says' Moishe, can you imagine, this guy is trying to tell us how to run our business?

1) It is the birthday of the HEADKID (that has no BODY). SOmeone brings a big nice covered box. The HeadKID is excited and screams with joy:
-Somebody open it, open it, open it.
A little kid, perheaps a friend stands up and opens the box.
The HeadKid said:
-Oh....... Hat...... Again
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2) The Paraolympics games are in their hotest spot.
Its the swiming contest.
In line five there is the Tree Armed man without legs, In line seven is the One Leged one.
In line eight... Lets sea. Its a Head:
So the contest begins.
Someone pushes the Headkid in the neck as and it falls in the water starting to drown. The lifeguards save the Head from drowning. And the Head hardly opens his mouth and says:
- I spent so much time in learning to swim with years, and now these bustards put me a swiming Hat...................

One day a young lad invted a catholic priest to visit a nudist colony. The priest refused to do that and asked the lad how the hell am I going to a place like that. The man said that we have to go inside in nude. He suggested to the priest that he carries his hat along with him so that he could cover his private parts. The priest agreed and entered the colony.
As he started walking through the place there were some nice nude girls on the left side of the lane who greeted him Good morning Father. He held his hat with right hand and waived at them with his left hand.. He continued with his walk and did the same thing to the girls on the right hand side while holding the hat this time with lright hand.
As the crowd was increasing and the number of nice girls were admired by the priest, at one point there were girls on both sides of the alley. When greeted by the beauties on both sides he was compelled to wave at them with both hands. To everyones surprise the hat was intact and more...

When the first settlers in the' Great White North' were trying think of a name for their great, white, northern country, they experienced a bit of' founders' block' and couldn't come up with anything impressive enough. They cogitated and rubbed their skulls a bit more, and decided on a plan.

The founders wrote each letter of the alphabet on a little piece of paper. Next, they dumped them into a hat and scrambled them up. One volunteered to wear a blindfold, dug into the hat and picked out a piece of paper. The fellow then handed it to another, who read it aloud. The meeting transpired like this:

' C...eh? N...eh? D...eh?'

. ..and everyone shouted,' That's it!!!, eh?'

"Dude, she just called you posh!" "OH, I BEG TO DIFFER! Jeffrey, hold my top hat whilst I beat that peasant with my rifle."