Hat Jokes / Recent Jokes
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding
her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not
intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing
up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this
hat."
"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said
the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir,
anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this
hat yesterday!"
A remedy for the common cold suggested by Dr. Richard Gordon, from the "Atlantic Monthly": At the first sign of a cold, go to bed with a bottle of whiskey and a hat. Place the hat on the left-hand bedpost. Take a drink of whiskey and move the hat to the right-hand bedpost. Take another drink and shift the hat back again. Continue this until you drink the whiskey but fail to move the hat. By then, the cold is probably cured.
A lady with a large flowery hat was stopped at the church door by the usher. "Are you a friend of the bride? " he asked. "Certainly not," she snapped, "I'm the groom's mother."
Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Mexico City. One is holding a cross and one a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David, and drop money in the hat held by the man with the cross. Soon the hat of the man with the cross is filled with money, and the hat of the man with the star of David remains empty.
A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the man with the Star of David and says: "Young man. Don't you realize that this is a Catholic country? You'll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David."
The man with the Star of David turns to the man with the cross and says: "Moishe, can you imagine, this guy is trying to tell us how to run our business?"
A MAN who had lost his hat decided that the simplest way to replace it was to go to church and steal one from the cloakroom. Once inside, he heard a sermon on the Ten Commandments. Coming out, he was greeted by the minister and said to him,' I want you to know, Reverend, that you saved me from crime. I came here with sin in my heart. I was going to steal a hat, but after hearing your sermon I changed my mind.'
'Great/ exulted the minister.' Would you tell me what I said that led you to change your mind?'
'Well, Reverend, when you got to that part about "Thou shalt not commit adultery", I suddenly remembered where I had left my hat.'
My uncle once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday and sit at the back. During the service he would sneak out and grab a hat from the rack at the front door.
On Sunday, he went to church and sat at the back. The sermon was about the 10 commandments. He sat through the whole sermon and instead of sneaking out he waited until the sermon was over and went to talk to the minister.
"Father, I came here today to steal a hat to replace the one I lost. But after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I changed my mind."
The minister said, "Bless you my son. Was it when I started to preach thou shall not steal, that changed your heart?"
My uncle responded, "No, it was the one on adultery. When you started to preach on that, I remembered where I left my hat."