Hat Jokes / Recent Jokes

YEAR AFTER YEAR, Johnny asked for a rabbit for Christmas and was disappointed when he never got one. Finally, he surprised his mother and asked for a magic wand and magician’s hat. When asked why the change, Johnny replied, “So I can pull a rabbit out of the hat. ”

Marvin had always wanted to be a gunfighter. He grew up in the old West. As a child he read everything about gunfighters he could find. His hero was Billy the Kidd. He dreamed of being just like his hero. One day he went to town and bought himself a black hat, some black clothes, a black horse and two pistols. He went home and every day he went out behind his barn, and practiced shooting.

After two weeks he was getting to be quite a good shot. He decided it was time to show off. He put on his black clothes and hat, strapped on his guns and rode into town. When he walked into the saloon, standing at the bar he saw Billy the Kidd. He was so excited! He walked up and said, "Mr. Kidd, I am your biggest fan. I have always wanted to be just like you. Look at me. Do I look like a gunfighter?"

Billy looked him over and said, "Well, you have the right clothes and you have a nice black hat, and I see you rode up on a black horse. But, can you more...

An old lady stood at the railing of a cruise ship, holding on tight to her hat so that it wouldn't blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon my forwardness, madam, but were you aware that your dress is blowing up in the wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady. "But I need both hands to hold onto this hat" But madam," the gentleman said in a worried tone, "you must know that your private parts are exposed!"
The old lady glanced down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

The attractive governess, with her small charge in tow, left the park to visit her boyfriend in his hotel room. They embraced warmly and each longed for intimacy, but there seemed to be little they could do with the child watching. Then the governess hit on an idea.
"Bobby," she said to her small charge, "go look out that window and I will give you a dime for every red hat you see."
Delighted with the new game, Bobby ran to the window and stared intently at the passersby below.
Almost a minute passed before Bobby's voice popped up with, "I see a red hat!"
"That's nice," came the governess' muffled reply.
"There's another one," said the boy a short time later.
"Keep counting," the woman managed to say.
"Oh, governess," Bobby exclaimed suddenly.
"What now?" she asked, breathing heavily.
"I just wanted to tell you that this is going to be the most expensive more...

- If your hat, belt and boots cost more than your sidearm.
- If you know what a' court gun' is.
- If you have a' court gun'.
- If directions to a location involve livestock, property descriptions, or the words "When you get off the pavement."
- If the winner of the last three bar room brawls was last years Homecoming Queen.
- Dressing up for court involves pressed Wranglers and a Brushpopper shirt.
- If anyone on the Department is named' Bubba'.
- If you don't know Bubba's real name.
- If Bubba is his real name.
- If you've ever gotten a confession from a critter by threatening him with either his Mama or God.
- If your interview for the job involved the question: "Can you take a whuppin'?"
- If you have more weapons and ammunition in your cruiser than most small nations have in their armies.
- If you've ever had an' Officer Involved Shooting' where the victim was a feral hog or other four-pawed critter more...

Two beggars are sitting on a park bench outside a church on a Sunday morning. They are both dressed in rags, each is holding a top hat, the one has a large cross around his neck and the other a large Star of David. After church, the congregants file out, each placing money in the hat belonging to the beggar with the cross while ignoring the beggar with the Star of David. Soon the hat of the beggar with the cross is overflowing with money while the other beggar's hat remains empty. A priest who has been watching this approaches the bench and says to the beggar with the Star of David around his neck "My son, surely you realize you are in a Christian country, in a Christian neighborhood, on a Sunday morning, sitting outside a church? How can you possibly expect anyone to give you any money, especially since you are wearing a large Star of David around your neck?" On hearing this the beggar with the Star of David around his neck turns to the other beggar and says "Moshe, more...

1. Uh, yeah... I invented Spaghetti-O's.
2. You're twice as sweet as a creme brulee -- and less drippy.
3. Y'know, this hat and apron would look a lot less silly at the foot of your bed.
4. Hey good lookin', whatcha got reducing over a low flame until the sauce is a creamy, then pouring the reduction over the already sauteed veal, adding in a dash of kirsch and flambeing just before presentation?
5. Your eyes are like limpid pools of chicken stock.
6. Whisk, schmisk. I'll show you how a *real* man fluffs butter.
7. I know we've just met, but will you marinade me?
8. Wanna lick my beater?
9. How do you like your eggs? Poached, scrambled, or fertilized?
10. Hey, weren't you in my' Introduction to Melons' class?
11. I've made thousands of women cream... of tarragon soup!
12. Get the buttah.
13. One cheeseburger coming up. Would you like a little paradise with that?
14. Mmmm, you look good enough to filet -- but I think I'd more...