"YOU MIGHT BE A TEXAS PEACE OFFICER IF..." joke

- If your hat, belt and boots cost more than your sidearm.
- If you know what a' court gun' is.
- If you have a' court gun'.
- If directions to a location involve livestock, property descriptions, or the words "When you get off the pavement."
- If the winner of the last three bar room brawls was last years Homecoming Queen.
- Dressing up for court involves pressed Wranglers and a Brushpopper shirt.
- If anyone on the Department is named' Bubba'.
- If you don't know Bubba's real name.
- If Bubba is his real name.
- If you've ever gotten a confession from a critter by threatening him with either his Mama or God.
- If your interview for the job involved the question: "Can you take a whuppin'?"
- If you have more weapons and ammunition in your cruiser than most small nations have in their armies.
- If you've ever had an' Officer Involved Shooting' where the victim was a feral hog or other four-pawed critter with an appetite.
- If the caliber of your sidearm is regarded as an artillery round in Europe.
- You've ever had to mediate a dispute concerning the paternity of a litter of puppies.
- If you have the impression that the Feds regard your department as being marginally more civilized than the Viking Hordes.
- If you think all back-up is 30 miles away and asleep in bed.
- If you've ever gone to an emergency wearing only your hat, pajamas, gun and boots.
- If spurs are a department-issued item.