Hate Jokes / Recent Jokes

After the devastating Amish school shooting in PA, many have made a point that they wish no evil against the gunman. They blame the music and video games...


An Amish grandfather has said that he doesn't hate the man who killed his kids.
In a related story, I no longer hate brussell sprouts...I just dislike them.

December 8
6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by more...

From one of Tom Clancy's books: Commanding officer: "Alright! How about an attitude check???" Crew (In Unison): "I HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE!" CO: "Now, let's be more positive..." Crew: "I POSITIVELY HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE!" CO: "OK, How about a negative attitde check..." Crew: "I DON'T LIKE THIS FUCKING PLACE!" CO: "OK, How about a short attitude check. .?" Crew: "FUCK THIS PLACE!"

Contributed by Steve Kufer, who attended the event.
Here are highlights from Comedy Celebration Day on July 31, 1988 in
San Francisco. For those who plan WAY in advance, next year's
Comedy Celebration Day is Sunday, July 30th (1989!).
These are some of the comedians more memorable quotes during the day:
Michael McShane
I owe the government $3400 in taxes. So I sent
them two hammers and a toilet seat.
I'm a Psychic Amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget.
Sue Murphy
Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think
that's how dogs spend their lives.
My mother wants grandchildren, so I said, "Mom, go for it!"
Fred Reiss
I went to a Grateful Dead Concert and they played for SEVEN hours.
Great song.
Yuppie pregnant women don't go into labor, they go straight into management.
Jake Johansen
A lady came up to me on the street and pointed to my suede jacket.
"You know a cow was more...

Dear Star Savior,

Hi. I'm actor Charlie Sheen. In some angry voice mail I sent my ex-wife Denise Richards in 2005, I used the N-word and the C-word. The message was leaked onto the Internet this week, and I'm catching a lot of heat for it. I have apologized for my choice of words, but I'm not sure that was enough. What should I do?


Dear Charlie,

I'm OK with you hitting your ex-wife with the N-word and C-word, but your voice mail is a sign of a problem: Technology is ruining racism and sexism.

It’s sad. There are people who have never used a slur face-to-face, the way the pioneers did it. Back then, showing hate was an event, something to plan a day around. But now, people like you just fire off some e-mail or voice mail, throw in a halfhearted slur or two, then go on with their lives. It's just another task on your to-do list: "Buy Batteries. Lunch Meeting. Hate."

But you can use your celebrity to help turn things around. more...

A Texan went up to the airline check-in counter and boomed, "Howdy, ma`am. My name`s Brown, spelled B-R-O-W-N. Ah`m from Dallas, Texas. Ah`m 6-foot 3-inches tall. Ah`m white from th` top of mah head to th` tip of mah toes, and I hate the Irish." Well, she didn`t know what else to do, so she took his ticket and showed him onto the plane. He sat down in his seat, and turned to the fellow next to him, "Howdy, suh. My name`s Brown, spelled B-R-O-W-N. Ah`m from Dallas, Texas. Ah`m 6-foot 3-inches tall. Ah`m white from th` top of mah head to th` tip of mah toes, and I hate the Irish." The little fellow turned to him, "Well now, how d`ye do. My name is Patrick Michael O`Donnell. I`m from Dublin, Ireland. I`m 5-foot 6- inches tall, and I`m white from the top o` me head to the tip o` me toes, except for my rectum, which is brown. Spelled B-R-O-W-N."

One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son
and woke him up.

MOM: “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school. ”

SON: “But why, Mama? I don’t want to go to school. ”

MOM: “Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go to
school. ”

SON: “One, all the children hate me. Two, all the
teachers hate me. ”

MOM: “Oh! that’s not a reason. Come on, you have to
go to school. ”

SON: “Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to
school? ”

MOM:
One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand
your responsibilities.
Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.