Head Jokes / Recent Jokes

During the French revolution, hundreds of people were guillotined. One
day, three men were led up to die. One was a lawyer, one was a doctor,
and the third was an engineer.
The lawyer was to die first. He was led to the guillotine, the attending priest blessed him, and he knelt with his head on the guillotine. The blade was released, but stopped halfway down its path. The priest, seeing an opportunity, quickly said, "Gentlemen, God has spoken and said this man is to be spared; we cannot kill him." The executioner agreed, and the lawyer was set free.
The doctor was next. He was blessed by the priest, then knelt and placed his head down. The blade was released, and again stopped halfway down. Again the priest intervened: "Gentlemen, God has again spoken; we cannot kill this man." The executioner agreed and the doctor was set free.
At last it was the engineer's turn. He was blessed by the priest, and
knelt, but before he placed his head on the more...

AP - Monica Lewinsky, in a statement released today, countered President Clinton's firm denial:
"I have had enough. This whole experience has left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I can't stomach any more. I feel as if I am getting the shaft, that this ugly matter has come to a head and blown up in my face."
"This may be a load to handle, but when things are hard, that is when I am at my best. I have faced hard things in the past, and I know what is coming. I will meet this challenge the only way that I know how: head on."
"I have licked bigger things than this before, and I will again. No one will ever be able to say that Monica Lewinsky isn't a finisher, that she quit before the job was done. I will work non-stop and fight this, blow by blow, until I am wiped clean of this dirty affair. I will not be stained by it."
"Thank you." Monica Lewinsky

A man walks into a bar with his pet crocodile, the bartender screams and demands he get the man eating creature out of there! The man tries to calm the bartender down and says he is very well trained to prove it the man whipped out his cock and put it in the crocodile's mouth, then he hit the crocodile over the head and after a few good smacks he pulls it out and shows the bar tender,"Look, no marks."The bartender is still unsure so the man asks..."Would anyone else like to try?"The bar is quiet and a few minutes later a blonde in the corner stands up and says..."I will but don't smack me on the head!"

as you lie back your muscles tighten. you put him off for a while searching for an excuse but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. he asks you if you are afraid but you shake your head bravely. he has had more experience but it is the first time that his finger has found the right place. he probes deeply and you shiver. your body tenses but he is gentle like he promised he would be. he looks deeply into your eyes and tells you to trust him, he has done this many times before. his cool smile relaxes you. you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. you plead him to hurry, but he takes it slowly to cause you as little pain as possible.as he presses closer going deeper, you feel tissue give way. you feel a slight treakle of blood as he continues. he looks at you concerned and asks if it too painful. your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. he is now going in and out with skill but you are too numb to feel him within you. more...

A Punjabi Sardar and a Bengali Babu were talking about their State's patriotic history during the freedom struggle. The debate heated up and both ended up claiming that their state had the maximum number of freedom fighters.
They finally agreed on a method to find which of the states had more freedom fighters. Each person would say the name of a freedom fighter from his state and pull one hair out of his opponents head. Both of them began earnestly.
"Bhagat Singh" said the Sardar and pulled one hair from the Bengali.
"Netaji" said the Bengali and did the same.
They continued like this for some time, but soon exhausted all known freedom fighters. The Bengali, however, was very clever. He used Sardar's ignorance and reeled off a lot of imaginary names.
The Punjabi was stuck. He did not know any more Punjabi freedom fighter's name. He thought deeply for a moment, jumped on the Bengali's head and pulled all his hair out shouting - "JallianWala more...

Maw is outside the house hanging up the laundry, when she hears Jethro in the kitchen. Maw walks in and says, "Jethro, get out there and fix that there outhouse."

He says, "All right, Maw."

He walks out to the outhouse, looks at it, and says, "Maw, there ain't nothin' wrong with this here outhouse!"

Maw says, "Yes there is son. Put your head down in the hole."

He puts his head down in the hole and he says, "Maw, there ain't nothin' wrong with this here outhouse!"

He goes to lift up his head and he says, "Oww! OWW! Maw! MAW, my beard's stuck!"

She says, "Aggravatin', ain't it?"

there were three girls running from the police a red head, a burnett and a blonde the brown head girl said we have got to find a place to hide then the burnett pointed out three barrles. They jumped in the brown head was in a barrlel of cats the burnett in a barrel of dogs and the blond in a barrel of potatos. When the police came to the first barrall with the brown head in it she said meow and the police siad o this is just a bunch of cats then they went to the second barrel with the burnett and she said ruff the police said o this is just a bunch of dogs so then they went to the third barrel with the blonde in it when they got there the blonde said POTATTO