Hearing Jokes / Recent Jokes

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office. "Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck." "Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."

A man goes to his doctor and says, ? I don? t think my wife? s hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do? The doctor replies, ? Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn? t respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you.? The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, ? What? s for dinner, honey? He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. Again, no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says, ? Honey, what? s for supper? She screams, ? For the fourth time, I said chicken, you deaf bastard!?

PATIENT: "Doctor can you help me? It's my hearing. I can't even hear myself cough."
DOCTOR: "Okay, have this prescription filled."
PATIENT: "Oh, will it improve my hearing?"
DOCTOR: "No, but it will help you cough better."

Three weeks into the bitterly contested divorce hearing, the Judge was finally ready to hand down his decision.
"Mr. Caldwell," the Judge said, "after hearing both sides of the case, I find that you are at fault. Therefore, the court will give your wife alimony in the amount of five hundred dollars a month."
"Thank you, Your Honor," Mr. Caldwell replied. "And, to show that I am not such a bad guy, I'll throw in one hundred dollars myself!"

A man goes to his doctor and says,? I don?t think my wife?s hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?? The doctor replies,? Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn?t respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you.? The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says,? What?s for dinner, honey?? He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. Again, no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says,? Honey, what?s for supper?? She screams,? For the fourth time, I said chicken, you deaf bastard!?

What's the easiest way for a wife to cause hearing loss in her husband?
Say she wants to talk to him.

What's the easiest way for a wife to cause hearing loss in her husband? Say she wants to talk to him.